It's been a event that he has played out in his mind over and over again. He's thought about what he'll feel like the first time he holds his newborn child. He's wondered about how stressed he'll be watching the hours pass, and watching his wife go through labor. He's wondered if Roeper will blame him, as most women are depicted doing in films.

Also on his mind has been the question of, "Will I be a good father?"

He knows in ordered to ensure that, indeed, does ring true, he needs to come to grips with his own personal demons, and not allow his growing child to see him struggling to cope with himself. He knows if he is to truly be a successful parent, he can't be plagued with demons he has not learned to successfully cope with. The message that, he believes, would be sent to his offspring with him incapable of handling his emotions, could prove detrimental to the mental growth of the child.

It's something he definitely doesn't want to see happen.

He wants to be able to shrug off the dreams, and send them away like he has done once before. He's finally accepted the fact that it has gotten beyond his control, and he's reached out for help. His appointment to see the doctor has been scheduled and confirmed, and he knows that, with any luck, the process will be quicker in quelling these sleepless nights.

And unfortunately, tonight is another one of those nights.

Unlike the previous few nights, when Jake awoke from his restless sleep, he told his wife he was going to the other room. He hoped this way she'd be able to continue resting, and not be waking up worrying where he's gone. While she wasn't thrilled about him leaving the room, she did acknowledge that letting her know will, most likely, keep her from going into a frantic panic, and going on a hunt for him.

As Jake slowly leaves his bedroom, he begins walking toward his office.

He enters his office, and goes over to a cabinet next to his desk. He pulls out a pill bottle, and begins looking at the label with a very distressed and concerned look on his face. As has always been a "tell" for Jake, as a sign of his worry, he begin biting on his bottom lip.

With the pill bottle in hand, he turns and walks over to his desk. He sits down in his chair, and continues to stare at the unknown bottle of pills. He takes a big swallow of the saliva building up in his mouth, and sighs. He finally sets the bottle down on the edge of his desk, and begins to talk to himself, while his eyes slowly move from the bottle, to the camera lens.

Jake Starr: Control... It's something everyone desires in some degree. It's something everyone possesses, again, to some degree. But it is also something that can make a person believe they are allowed to do things that most would view as cruel, inhumane, illegal, or wrong, believing that the end result will justify the wrong-doings...

... You know the saying... "The ends justify the means."

... But in saying that, there are different kinds of control. Some involves directing others, some involve directing ones self, and others involve an action-reaction correlation.

One example... Look at Hitler and his Third Reich.

Everyone knows the story. Hitler's goal was to destroy the races he saw as "inferior," using his charisma to control people to do his bidding. He had people following his orders, under his control, believing that they either were doing the bidding for a great cause, or believing if they disobeyed, their lives were in danger as well. It lead to an atrocity that the world will never be able to fully cope with, or fully comprehend.

But it was all about control... It was all about Hitler's belief that he could, in a sense, manufacture a "master race," to make a "pure" world. It was Hitler's desire to control everything, run everything, create a one-world government, create one pure race, and be seen as the one who "cleansed" the planet of its troubles. The man felt so strongly about his beliefs that he was willing to warp, coerce, brainwash, and direct people to commit such horrible acts.

It was control. It was power.

Another example can be summed up in a pretty basic manner. Think about driving a car. Think about how when you're behind the wheel, pushing the accelerator, pushing the break, turning on the air conditioning, turning the wheel, whatever. You're controlling a machine by exerting minimal force. Your actions are able to garner a sought-after reaction, and achieve your goal of getting from point A to point B.

If you honestly think about it, it's a pretty crazy thing to grasp. An average human can control this machine at speeds of over 70 miles an hour, with very little exertion of energy.

The third example... Well it's coming...

You see, these all have begun to rear their heads as of late. I'm not talking about the government controlling health care, I'm not talking about the guy who runs the subways in New York City, no... I'm talking about around me. I'm talking about the aspect of control showing itself in many facets of my life, both private and professional, and really showing me it still has the capability to run things, whether anyone likes it or not.

In the professional world, namely SCW, the thought of a "controlling figure" has apparently come to a head. It seems many have grown tired of the way the "powers that be" have allowed CHBK to run things. He's been accused of apparently doing many things to cause "hurt" to some, while holding others back. There have been petitions circulating around, polls being taken, reporters asking for comments from anyone who may know, and it's sent the world of Supreme Championship Wrestling into... Well... Kind of a clusterf_ck...

Really!

Since this whole story broke, any time I've been in the vacinity of reporters who know who I am, I'm immediately accosted with people wanting to know if I know anything.

Jake lets out a small chuckle.

Jake Starr: ... And my response is always the same...

"Why would I know anything?"

Seriously, why would I know something on the situation, or really have any comment on it. I don't even know what prompted this whole mess to begin with, let alone have any inside information.

But still... If I had to formulate a guess, especially knowing the parties involved on the issuing of this ultimatum, I'd assume it was based on nothing. It's a frivolous claim being brought up by a trio of twits who want things their way, and if they don't get it, they're going to throw a temper tantrum.

They want to be the ones who hold the control, and hope they can wrestle it away. They're trying to lobby other wrestlers to support their cause, when they know they don't have a case. It's a battle of propaganda... I've been lobbied. Hell some of my boys have been lobbied.

It's an issue many of us want no part of. The only things I care about regarding those who make the decisions, is giving me a timeline, or at least a path I have to forge in order to get my chance to fight for the World Championship again. I could give two-sh!ts about if Dark Fantasy, and their trio of estrogen have a beef with CHBK.

I have a beef with the guy, and everyone knows it.

He's tried getting in my business, and there are times I've wanted to slap him senseless. But I haven't gone as far to say he's done something illegal or unjust. I just think he's an idiot at times...

Jake begins to slowly shake his head.

Jake Starr: Privately, the other two types of control have been staring me in the eye... Action-reaction... Look at my wife! The action was we had sex... I came... Reaction... She's pregnant! It's pretty cut and dry if you ask me.

Jake chuckles, and then looks over at the edge of his desk where the pill bottle sits. His chuckles quickly turn into a concerned stare. He takes a deep breath and lifts the bottle off of the desk, rattling the pills around inside. He spins the bottle around to where the label is facing him and sighs.

Jake Starr: ... Unfortunately, I've also realized the last "control" has really begun to rear its ugly head.

Self control... Or lack there of...

Now, before you say anything, no I'm not a pill-popping addict. In fact, these are my last resort in life. See, the last time I had this battle with, essentially, myself, I just went to my normal, everyday, family practice, physician, told him the problem, and he said he knew exactly what was wrong. He said I was suffering from an over abundance of serotonin and norepinepherin...

... Now just so everyone is clear, those are both neurotransmitters in the brain. When there is a lack of one or both, it can cause a wide-variety of ailments, some being anxiety and depression...

... Which, as a matter of fact, was what was causing me to not sleep.

Jake hold the pill bottle up toward the camera.

Jake Starr: ... And ultimately lead him to prescribing these to me. In a nutshell, these are SNRIs, or sarotonin-norepinepherin reuptake inhibiters, and what they do is they keep those two neurotransmitters from being absorbed, and basically try to stabilize the various chemicals in the brain.

Really... That's about as basic as it can be said...

The problem is, and it was with me, they really turned me into a zombie. Everyone assumed they'd be "happy pills" and make me jovial and fun-loving, and truthfully, I became unmotivated, uninspired, and pretty much a "bump on a log."

Hence the whole "last resort" thing...

But they did rid me of the dreams for a while. They rid me of a lot actually...

Jake sets the bottle back down on his desk.

Jake Starr: ... And when I weaned myself off, for a while, I was ok. I began to become more fun-loving, and back to my normal self. But, the dreams quickly returned, and unlike the previous time, there wasn't a sense of anxiety or depression that I could really put my finger on.

I ultimately realized I didn't have control over my own body, and my own mind.

I lost sleep...

I lost friends because of irritability...

And ultimately, I almost lost my wife...

That's when I decided to move on from pills to something that would help me truly regain self-control, and help me cope with this. Unfortunately this time around, those methods aren't working, and I fear it could begin to unravel things for me again.

Believe me when I say that's the least of my desires...

My desires are simple, and my desires are very blunt. I want to get back upon my perch, and I want to reclaim my glory. I don't care how long it takes, and I don't care what trials and tribulations are thrown in my path to get there, but that's where I want to be. I can't let my life go down the path it went down, now, five years ago...

Jake picks up the pill bottle again, and begins staring at the label. His eyes are fixed on it, and his emotions begin to change again. The concern begins to turn to anger, and begins to boil inside of him. His eyebrows begin to slant, and his jaw begins to tighten as the rage boils. Finally, it gets to a point when it is unbearable. He rears the pill bottle back, and hurls it at the wall as hard as he can, sending the lid bursting off of the bottle, and pills flying everywhere.

He takes a deep breath, and slowly closes his eyes. He knows it's this mentality he was in when everything fell to pieces and tries to control the emotion by slowing his breathing. Each breath is long, loud, and drawn out.

He leans his head back, take a gulp of the saliva building in his throat, and believes he has controlled himself enough to continue on.

Jake Starr: ... My goal is to reclaim my glory. I don't feel I lost it the right way. I don't feel I lost the World Title the way I should have. Tactical Warfare, in that regard, was a farce. Hudson should have never gotten to have ANY claim to that belt...

Jake's teeth begin to grind again, and his emotions begin to tense again. He grimaces, and his eyes shut tight, as he fights the urge to have another explosion like the one with the pill bottle. He begins whispering to himself, hoping that audible instruction may begin to relax him, or in the least, calm his anger.

Jake Starr: ... Calm down Jake... Hudson's not your concern now...

At least... Not yet... You'll get him... Don't let him sway your focus for what's next...

Jake takes another deep breath. He begins to feel a little calmer. His eyes slowly begin to open back up.

Jake Starr: ... And what's next, isn't some twit who believes it's his duty, his job, no, his RIGHT, to involve himself with my matters. No, instead, it's another. It's, as I said, the second chance I have to make an example of how things will be transpiring as we move forward.

Rachel, quite shockingly, has remained rather quiet about our upcoming confrontation with one another. I expected her to come out, and do something, I'll admit, she's rather good at, and that's talking herself up...

... You know the type...

I was expecting to hear the proverbial comments regarding how she was going to beat me down, hurt me, make an example of me, help continue my slumping streak, et cetera. I mean, it's the normal M. O. It's what everyone tells me every match. It's a list of claims that people try and provide some forms of evidence to support. They're claims that very few people have been able to actually come through with, and PROVE to me are worthy of believing.

It's just how this has worked since I arrived, and Rachel will be no different.

She won't!

She'll come at me with vicious words, and attempt to chop me down verbally. She'll try and convince me this time around will be different. She'll say I won't believe the plans she has for me. She'll say how she's going to beat me down, physically make me remember and rue the day our paths crossed.

But she won't own up to it. She doesn't have that kind of control over the situation.

This time around is just like the last time around. The control is in my hands. The outcome is my decision to make. I've sat back, and allowed myself to be put into a corner with a situation and a scenario that only I can decide the outcome of. Nobody else holds that control, with the exception of those who book the matches. To a degree, they have control as well. But for the most part, it's my decision.

And let me say, I'm definitely ready to decide on what's going to happen. I'm definitely ready to go out at Breakdown, and show the world, and especially the fans, that no matter what is happening to me outside of the ring, or inside the ring, I'm always out to give them a show. I'm always out ready to prove myself as the true number one contender for the "whole enchilada" here. I'm always ready to be the best.

... And nobody should EVER doubt that!

Jake finally goes back to leaning forward, and seemingly engaging the camera a little more. He hopes this conveys that his mood has begun to calm down once again.

Jake Starr: I can also say, I hope Rachel takes notice of what happened at the last edition of Breakdown. I hope she knows what Hudson is up to, and willing to do to get my attention. If she isn't, she'll become his latest victim...

Jake cocks his head, apparently just having an idea.

Jake Starr: ... Then again, those two could have something going on, and she could be in on the whole thing. Wow... That's something I've never considered until now.

Regardless... If Foxx wants to try her hand at fighting me, and hoping to somehow emerge victorious, she'd either have to pray Hudson comes to help her, or prays he stays away so she doesn't have to worry about what he may pull. Whichever the case, she must be on her knees praying every waking hour she has. She better be trying to call in what few favors she may have with ANYONE, with the hopes it'll save her ass.

In the end, though... No matter what... It won't do her any good...

As I've said, I'm in control this time.

If I can't control anything else right now, I will succeed in controlling this match, and the subsequent ones as well. I have to keep my mind focused on the prize. I can't allow someone, ANYONE, knock me out of that mentality. No matter what...

As Jake says those final words, Roeper emerges in the doorway. She heard the sound of Jake throwing the bottle against the wall, and finally decided to come check on him. Jake looks up at her, still obviously concerned, and full of a cavalcade of emotions, and then slumps his head down. She feels horrible for her husband's anguish, and wishes nothing more than to actually be able to remedy the situation.

Knowing she can't, she does her best to simply offer a source of comfort for her husband. She knows the lack of sleep has to have his emotions firing on random cylinders, and ultimately just wants to do whatever she can to somewhat keep him calm.

She walks over to him, and sits down in his lap, and wraps her arms around him. The scene fades to black as she begins to lay her head on his, and tries to show her love for him.

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