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... And the winner... And STILL SCW World Heavyweight Champion, and now the NEEEEEEW IWC Heavyweight Champion of the Wooooooorld... JAKE STAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!

Truer words have never been spoken to this date. But, in mere days, that will be sound byte heard around the globe!

There is no question about what's next for the current World Champion of Supreme Championship Wrestling. His next quest lies at the 2 for 1 Special, within the confines of a fatal four-way.

The four men who enter this contest all feel it is their right to walk away victorious. All four men it is their DESTINY to emerge with one, or two, championship belts around their waist. All four men feel as if they are superior to the other three.

Unfortunately... That night... Only one will be superior. Only one will have those bragging rights!

When Jake was last heard from, he made it clear that he planned on being the ONE who was capable of achieving victory. He made it no secret that he wanted to shock the world, YET AGAIN, and emerge victorious with his SCW Championship, and his newly won IWC Heavyweight Championship, over each shoulder.

His words were fierce. His words were straight forward. He wanted to make sure his message to his opponents was a clear one. he didn't want them walking off and making their own interpretations of what he said, and assuming they knew better.

This time... He wants to be just a little different!

Jake has enlisted the aide of a production studio to build him a special set. He instructed them that he wanted a set to look like a comfortable home, the kind you'd see on an older children's television show. The production company quickly sprung into action putting this set together, not totally sure what Jake had in mind. When they finished, they called him up and informed him of their completion.

Jake quickly was on his way!

When he arrived, he quickly knew his set was perfect!

The production team was prepared to shoot when he was, and needless to say, he was ready!

Jake leaves the floor of the set to get dressed for his shoot, and on his way, hands a stagehand a CD with the music he'd like played at the end.

When he finishes dressing and preparing, the shooting crew is set and just awaiting his arrival.

Jake lets the director know he's ready, and the director cues up the cameras to begin rolling. The technical team fades the scene up from black, and Jake opens the front door of the set. He walks in wearing a flannel bath robe, a toy bubble-pipe in his mouth, and books under his arm.

He looks up, acting surprised to see the camera he pulls the pipe out of his mouth, and smiles.

Jake Starr: Hello everyone! How are you today? I hope you're all doing spectacularly well! I know I am!

Jake smiles, cocks his head to the side, and winks at the camera.

Jake Starr: If you don't know by now, I am Jake Starr, World Champion of Supreme Championship Wrestling, and I have a special treat for you today. It's going to be something I know we're all going to have a great time sharing together.

Once again, Jake cocks his head, pauses, and smiles.

Jake Starr: Friends... Today, like I said, is a special day. It's the debut of my new EXTRA-SPECIAL-SUPER-FUN show, called "Jake Starr Presents: Almost a Masterpiece Theatre - A Look Into the Not-So Popular Books of the World!" Doesn't that just sound like so much fun?!

Jake continues to smile, looking into the camera.

Jake Starr: I thought so! See, this show, which I hope will be a real HIT with everyone, is going to focus everyone on the books around the globe that, well, maybe aren't receiving the attention from Oprah that I feel the should be. These books, after reading them, really gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling down there, yeah there, and I hope to share that feeling with you all too!

Are you all ready?!

I know I am!!

Jake gives the camera a rapid nod, and a thumbs up, and begins to walk over to a chair positioned in front of a fireplace. He sets his bubble-pipe in a pipe holder, and sits down in the chair. His robe begins to slip down one side of his leg, and he catches it with a chuckle.

Jake Starr: Now now... I can't have you all seeing what I have hidden under my robe. That wouldn't be family friendly! Tee hee!

Jake clears his throat, and reaches down to pick up the books he plans to cover. The three books, one resembling a children's book, one a tattered paperback, and one the size of a dictionary, sit in Jake's lap, with his hands and arms draped over them.

Jake Starr: Today, in this SUPER-SPECIAL inaugural episode, I plan on covering three books. I selected these three works because I did truly feel that they were appropriate to the world today, and also really would become ones that everyone could enjoy together. I hope I'm right!

Jake goes to open the first book, then stops.

Jake Starr: But you know... Before I really get into these works of literature, I think it's necessary to tell you about a story from my past. It absolutely has no relevance to anything I'm doing today, doing in the future, or in my recent past, but it simply designed to take up time, and hopefully leave you scratching your head asking, "Why did he talk about that?"

Because that's how I feel a lot of the time!

Jake smiles again.

Jake Starr: Anyway... This story takes us back to when I was in the third grade. So, quite some time ago. I'm surprised I remember this story...


My teacher at the time, Mrs. Sparks, had needed a volunteer to return some books to our school's library. Being the go-getter and teacher's pet that I was, I quickly wanted to volunteer.

The only problem was, I wasn't the only one who jumped at the opportunity.

Another friend of mine, named Chris, had raised his hand simultaneously to volunteer his services.

Jake's eyes widen, and his rapidly nods again.

Jake Starr: Isn't this riveting? Oh it gets better trust me!

Well... Instead of having to select only one of us to go to the library, she decided that it would be safer if we went as a pair anyway.

So we walked all the way through the halls, to the library. When we got there, the librarian was expecting us, and rewarded our troubles with, what were called, "bugs." The "bugs" were literally bugs printed on slips of paper. Every time you got one, you'd write your name on it, and drop it in a hopper. Then, a couple of times a week, the principal would draw a name out, and that student would receive some kind of prize.

It usually was candy or something... I never won but always had a lot of "entries." I was such a good kid!

Jake pauses, and gazes off into space reminiscing about his days in elementary school.

Anyway, back to my irrelevant story... So after we filled out our bugs, we were supposed to go back to our classroom. But we didn't!

Shocking I know!

We decided we wanted to go outside and play! So we did!

We went out the front door of the school to where the big sign was. We started to play with all the acorns that had fallen from the trees. For about 20 minutes, we did nothing but frolic around outside, throw acorns at one another, stuck them up our noses, and we had ourselves a good old time!

After those 20 minutes, we realized we were probably causing quite a commotion out front, so we decided it was time to return to class!

We were in for a treat! Let me tell you!

When we got back Mrs. Sparks was in the middle of her lecture. We walked in, hoping to be relatively unnoticed, but she quickly realized we were back, and gave us a glare I'll never forget. She was prompt to ask where we had been the entire time, and we both kind of snickered, and said the library.

Needless to say, she didn't buy it!

Jake covers his mouth and gives an exaggerated laugh.

Jake Starr: Then she said she would see us after class, which we knew wasn't a good sign. Everyone knows the phrase "We'll discuss this after class," is code for "You're in deep doo doo, so I'm going to let you sit and worry about it for a while, while I figure out how I'm going to punish you!"

So we sat through the remaining part of the lecture, still completely understanding everything she was talking about regardless of missing most of it.

Then, it was the time we both were dreading.

Everyone in the class was released to get in line, and go head for the lunch room.

All except the two of us.

Yeah, we were instructed to remain in our seats until everyone had left. Once everyone had cleared the classroom, she went to her perch at the front of the room and began to grill us on where we'd been. We both were silent, not knowing exactly how to reply.

Jake's eyes widen with excitement.

Jake Starr: Isn't this story a "hoot?" Isn't it riveting? Aren't you all captivated and enthralled wondering what happens to these two young lads next? Oh I am! And I lived it!

So anyway... Back to the story!

After the teacher continued to give us the proverbial, "third degree," we finally caved. We admitted that we were outside gallivanting in the acorns. We both repeatedly apologized for our actions, and begged for no punishment or "notes" home to our parents.

She never intended on reporting us, since we were, indeed, her pets. She simply said she was worried about us, and was afraid something bad had happened. We, once again, apologized for our actions, and she then released us to join our classmates at lunch.

Jake takes a deep breath, sighs, and once again gazes off into space.

Jake Starr: The moral of the story is, never stop to frolic in the acorns, and go straight back to class!

Wasn't that a nice, enlightening, story? Is everyone begging and pleading for more of those mesmerizing stories? If they aren't, now they'll know how the rest of the world feels when they force feed their meaningless stuff down the throats of everyone else too.

Jake tilts his head to the side again, and smiles.

Jake Starr: Anyway... With that out of the way, we can now move on to my special selection of literary works for the day.

As I said, these literary works are ones that I feel are really pertinent and applicable to the world in which I live, and those around me live as well.

Jake lifts up the child's book, reads the title, and then turns it facing the camera. The book has a rotund caricature of Greg Cherry on the front, stuffing his face with everything in sight, including a wafer-thin mint.

Jake Starr: This book is a heart-warming tale of a man struggling to figure out how he'll fit through the door every morning. It's called "O.B.E.S.E. (Oh Boy Eating Slop is Exciting)" by, you guessed it, Greg Cherry himself.

I must say, when I first saw this book, I was quite shocked that it was one marketed for children, and actually PROMOTING obesity. But then I realized, he can't communicate to anyone on a post-fetus level, so I completely understood why that was the targeted market.

Some of the passages, obviously not written by Greg, but more-or-less translated by someone who actually speaks porcine, really were enthralling, and I'd like to share one particular one with everyone here today.

Jake opens the large book to a predetermined page, and clears his throat. He looks up into the camera, smiling, and then looks down to begin reading to his audience.

I eat lots of food. I then go try and make her love me. Then I realize it is not going to happen because I'm fat. So I eat some more.

Mmm! Chicken with mayonnaise and garlic butter sauce sounds tasty.

Maybe I'll be a wrestler someday.

Maybe Mr. Drachewych will give me more of my wishes because I bother him daily.

I'm still hungry! I want lard! Crisco is too lean!

I like goats!

Jake then closes the book slowly. He pauses to reflect on the passage he just read, and then looks up to the camera.

Jake Starr: I'm moved by that. Seriously moved! I mean, here's a guy who believes that being this corpulent is OK in life, and he is completely enabled by the people around him. It's quite saddening.

You know... Thinking about it... Maybe that is why he gets these opportunities like he does. Maybe Mr. Drachewych is trying to, honestly, help facilitate some form of dietary program for Greg, and help him move forward in his battle against artery-clogging food.

That would make more sense than what everyone else is thinking.

See the masses of the world, whether they've read this book to their children, or found it a captivating read themselves, don't understand why he has been getting the breaks he has. He bails on SCW, only to come back in time to defend his special record, of holding a championship 294 days. Then, he isn't even able to hold the Adrenaline Championship even one-FIFTH as long. That Adrenaline Championship is the ONLY championship he has one since his streak began.

Yet... Somehow he makes it into the SPECIAL event upcoming in just mere days.

While it doesn't completely add up, I see, by reading this autobiography of Greg's, that he is deserving of something in life. I read about a man torn between his love for food, his love for wrestling, and his love for the THOUGHT that someday he'll find a woman, or beached whale, that will actually love him back.

It's a tear-jerking story.

I can say that I did find myself, by the end of this book, looking at myself in the mirror, and realizing how lucky I am not to have this inability to be happy and content with anything. I feel especially satisfied that, throughout all of the ups and downs in my life, I've never had to resort to gorging my face full of fatty, non-nutritious, sustenance, nor have I ever had to beg and plead others to HAND ME opportunities I didn't rightfully deserve.

I realized how truly lucky I am! I realized how I worked to EARN my chances to fight James Exeter, and that I earned the chance to have it be fair. I earned my chances early on to face Alex Des... Desob... Ugh... Alex Jr., for the Adrenaline Championship. I earned my chance to be a husband to a beautiful women, whom I didn't have to drug in order to have sexual relations with.

I really learned how Greg Cherry can be a model for everyone else.

This book's ending, however, was a bit on the fantastic side to me. Not fantastic, good, but fantastic as in fantasy. In fact, I would say it would take this piece of literature from the autobiographical and children's section, to the fiction section of most major book retailers. See... It seemingly ends with him somehow becoming a champion again.

Now... For copyright and legal reasons it couldn't specify IWC or SCW, but still it has him actually emerging victorious.

It's an ending that, well, everyone knows won't be actually becoming a reality. Regardless of his methods of entering himself into this contest, the likelihood that he'd actually be able to pull off a victory is quite slim. I mean, he'd have to hope to pin either me or that other champion guy. Everyone is aware that his skills in doing either of those were once capable, against me only once, but now, they're severely lacking.

Most likely due to his lack of self-restraint.

But thankfully... I know that the ending is just that... Fiction!

Overall... This book was an easy read, and like I said earlier, one that really allowed me to see the ways I didn't want to have my life go. A child would look at it, and see the way they wouldn't want to end up, that's for sure. So, for parents, pick this up. Use it to help teach your child what a complete screw up in life looks like. Use it as a resource to help you know if you're making mistakes and enabling your child to be like this.

Trust me! I stayed at Holiday Inn Express last night!

Jake winks at the camera and admires the book one more time. He makes an over-acted sigh, signifying his belief in the books helpful abilities. He then takes it and sets it to the side.

He then looks down in his lap at the book rivaling the size of a dictionary, and goes wide-eyed. He shakes his head to snap himself out of the shear shock of its size, and then puts his smile back on his face, and looks back up.

Jake Starr: Well... Now we have a book that, to me, rivals that of the Texas Constitution. See it's size is so gigantic, and it's supposedly is chalk-full of alluring material, yet nobody has ever been able to trudge the whole way through it to be able to see.

Jake goes to lift the book, and grunts he picks it up. He looks over the cover, and jostles it around to face the camera, and after much work and difficulty, succeeds.

Jake Starr: This book is entitled "Inside is the Most Insane Story of Twists, Turns, Ups, Downs, Births, Deaths, Mind-Blowing Heroism, Vampires, Wolves, Cats, Dogs, Marriage, Divorce, Abortion, Tyranny, Victory, Defeat, Resurgence, Difficulty, Ease, Triumph, Destruction, Rape, Murder, Drugs, Alcohol, Sins, Saints, Brotherly War, Women, Men, Children, Violence, Peace, Religion, Shilo Valiant, Pictures, Clip Art, Misspellings, Grammar Errors, Friendships, Enemies, Wars, Collusion, Solitude, Happiness, Sadness, Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll, Shock, Awe, Hostility, Peace, Fruit, Vegetables, And Many Other Things You'll Never Know I Care About Unless You Read This" by Christian Savior.

Jake takes a deep gasp for breath, seeing as how that title took the wind out of him.

Jake Starr: Quite the title if you ask me! I mean look...

Jake tilts the book so the spine is facing the camera.

Jake Starr: ... They even were forced to use four-point font on the spine just to fit the entire title on there!

Jake spins the book back, and sets it down in his lap. He opens the book up to the opening page, and looks back up.

Jake Starr: Now, seeing as how I could never, for the life of me, get past page one of this, I am just going to give you a little excerpt from the "Foreword" of this book. Trust me, it'll get the message across...

Throughout the long nights, the short days, and the lonely weeks, I sit alone, sometimes with someone, most of the time with nobody. This memoir chronicles the life and times of a man seeking himself, seeking his destiny, seeking a life with no boundaries. The limitless horizon is before me, and yet, I cannot approach. The Gods above speak to me, telling me of my wrong-doings, and of my penance to achieve reconciliation. I look to the Supreme wolf in his heroing excursion, and hope he bringeth me nourishment. I seek the guidance of the mirepoix, hoping through its aromatic aroma, it'll shed light on the ways of the Savior.

Jake looks up from the book wide-eyed once again. He begins blinking tightly, as if his eyes have dried out. If his face were an emoticon, it'd be wide-eyed and a completely straight line for his mouth. He's completely expressionless.

After a moment of allowing that passage to truly soak in, he begins to try and moisten his mouth, it having become severely dry in the uncomfortable moment that was reading that passage.

He then clears his throat, and begins to speak again.

Jake Starr: Ahem... Well... That was an experience wasn't it? Did anyone catch the underlying theme of that Foreword?

Anyone at all?

Jake glances around at the make believe audience sitting behind the camera.

Jake Starr: Nobody? Well good I'm not the only one then! And it is unfortunate nobody on the internet has created a "Christian Savior to English" translator, so we could actually comprehend what he is saying.

I do know it would require hours, upon hours, upon hours, of work to be able to sift through all of the fluff in what he says and writes, to get to where the actual meaning begins and ends.

Jake holds the book up again.

Jake Starr: I am betting that this book, which is damn-near thirteen THOUSAND pages, would be drastically different once you cut out all the nonsense that is flowing through the pages. I bet you ANYTHING the "meat" of his arguments, life stories, and other tales he tosses in this "memoir," would be condense to a leaflet, maybe a pamphlet, when all is said and done. It MIGHT, just MIGHT, rival the famous leaflet of "Famous Jewish Sports Stars That Didn't Major in Accounting."

But I digress from the fluff that he likes to try and pad his work with, and I look to what I got out of that Foreword. What I got was a man who is searching for something. I see a man searching for a means to his existence. A man who is willing to battle himself, if need be, to end up atop the ladder. I see a man who hopes to one day be seen in the same light that he was many years ago, and yet, no Earthly idea on how to do it. He seeks guidance from everywhere. Whether it's a Supreme Being, whether it's vegetables, whether it's his hand with a face painted on it, he doesn't care.

One of those sources is bound to give him the guidance he needs!

But as you can see... If this is the Foreword, how could anyone actually be able to listen or read anything this man says? It's impossible. Speed readers would get lost, realizing they constantly needed a thesaurus, or a book about magic and wizardry, to convert what he said into plain English.

Now... I thought maybe the end of this "Encyclopedia to Nowhere," would hold the answer to my questions of, "What is he talking about?"

I was wrong.

The end of this "memoir," as he called it, is much the same as the Foreword, sentences leading to nowhere, unless you're drunk, tripping on acid, smoking weed, or schizophrenic.

So I ask of everyone... Is this the person you see leading IWC or SCW? Is this the kind of person who you can look at, and proudly say, "this is my champion?" Or is this a man who you see as someone "looking for love in all the wrong places?"

I think we're all in unison and agreeing he is no champion. This "memoir" doesn't build a case for the man who was once considered "great" in the eyes of his peers. It simply exposes him for what he has become. He has become a man who fancies himself "enlightening" with his words. He believes everyone who hears him will see the inner meaning in his quest to be seen as a prophetic being in a world where many seek someone to guide them.

He's simply another homeless man on a street corner claiming to be "The Voice," when everyone will always look at them as crazy, and long-winded. His days of fooling the masses with his self-centered nonsense are over.

This book was, a steal for the price. It was one of many copies still available, and was actually free if I was willing to take it with all of the dust mites it had collected. Apparently I'm the only one who was ever willing to purchase it.

Quite the shock wouldn't you say?

Jake sets the book on top of the book written by Cherry, and now sits with just one left in his lap.

Jake Starr: You know... I think before we go into this final book, it's definitely time for another SPECIAL moment. Here... Let's go for a little walk, shall we?

Jake sets the lone book back in his chair and begins walking across this set. He passes through a walkway into a kitchen area resembling that of Mr. Rodgers's, complete with aquarium, and remote-controlled, model, train. He looks down at it, and back up to the camera with a big grin on his face.

Jake Starr: Are we ready for our special treat?

The camera nods.

Jake Starr: I thought so!

He looks back down at the train, begins nodding rapidly, and makes a motion like a conductor blowing the whistle of the train. With that motion, the train comes to life, and goes into a dark tunnel. The camera zooms in on the train's caboose as it enters the tunnel, and then switches views to Mr. Rodgers's famous "Land of Make Believe."

The train goes by the castle where puppet versions of Greg Cherry, Christian Savior and Jason Zero are all dancing around. The camera slowly zooms in on the trio of puppets.

Greg Cherry-Puppet: Guys I have a plan!

Jason Zero-Puppet: Lose weight?

Greg Cherry-Puppet: Nope! I know how I'm gonna make Assley love me again!

Christian Savior-Puppet: Lose weight?

Greg Cherry-Puppet: No guys! I'm beautiful the way God made me!

Christian Savior-Puppet: If you followed the almighty Robert Pattison like I do, you'd have the love of your life, along with the guidance to believe!

Greg Cherry-Puppet: In?

Christian Savior-Puppet: You'd believe!

Greg Cherry-Puppet: In?

Christian Savior-Puppet: YOU'D BELIEVE!

Jason Zero-Puppet: Don't ask anymore... He's stressed!

Greg Cherry-Puppet: But I'm going to Assley back so I can poke her vagina, and then I'm gonna become the SUPER CHAMPION!

Savior-Puppet begins to cry.

Christian Savior-Puppet: WAAAAHHHH!!!

Greg Cherry-Puppet: What's wrong Christian Savior-Puppet?

Christian Savior-Puppet: I wanted to become the new SUPER DUPER CHAMPION! And if I don't, I'm going to go cry to the big boss men about it!

Jason Zero-Puppet: You've been the SUPER DUPER CHAMPION BOY once! It's my turn! And if I don't do it I'm going to change my name to SUPER DUPER CHAMPION BOY anyway, and then I'm going to be a sports agent for other SUPER DUPER CHAMPION BOYS!

The three puppets begin to argue about who will be the next SUPER DUPER CHAMPION BOY. Each one claims they're the one who will emerge victorious, and yet each have very little reasoning for why they'll be the one who becomes victorious.

From the side of the frame, Mr. Drachewych-Puppet saunters in in.

Mr. Drachewych-Puppet: Dammit boys I am the ONLY one who can be SUPER DUPER around here! NOT any of you!

The other three puppets begins immediately kissing Mr. Drachewych-Puppet's ass. One at a time they come up to beg the "Almighty-Puppet" for his blessing.

Greg Cherry-Puppet: Mr. Drachewych-Puppet... May I please be in your FANCY SHMANCY UBER DUPER STABLE?

Jason Zero-Puppet: OOHH ME TOO!

Christian Savior-Puppet: DON'T FORGET ME TOO! I'M A BELIEVER!

Mr. Drachewych-Puppet is shocked.

Mr. Drachewych-Puppet: How did you hear about my FANCY SHMANCY UBER DUPER STABLE?!

Jason Zero-Puppet: Please forgive us! But we have "insider sources!"

Out of nowhere, Zero-Puppet begins to go down on Drachewych-Puppet.

Greg Cherry-Puppet: HEY NO FAIR!

Drachewych-Puppet then releases ejaculate all over Zero-Puppet's face.

Mr. Drachewych-Puppet: AHHH!

The other two puppets immediately become jealous of Zero-Puppet and his new "bond" with Mr. Drachewych-Puppet, and quickly begin to lick up the extra semen that missed Zero-Puppet.

The train passes by the group, headed for the tunnel.

Christian Savior-Puppet: Hey Cherry-Puppet... Does that remind you of your many dates with your "Pit Crew?"

Greg Cherry-Puppet: NO! I'm a one man at a time type of sex machine!

The train enters the tunnel, and reappears on the other side where Jake still stands, having watched the "Land of Make Believe" through special "tunnel viewing portal." He looks up and smiles.

Jake Starr: Wasn't that fun everybody? I know I sure as heck-fire thought so!

C'mon! Let's go check out that final book!

Jake motions for the camera to follow him back to the "den" area. He picks up the final book and sets it back in his lap. He looks up from his chair, smiling, yet again.

Jake Starr: Now, we can complete our educational reading time. I hope you're as thrilled as I am about this last book because it's, I would argue, the most honest of these three. It's also the only one I would refer to as a true "manifesto" of ones self. This one, I'm sure you guessed, is the manifesto of the IWC Champion himself. It's entitled, "How I Stole Gimmicks from P. Diddy, Prince, & Dean Malenko, and Plagiarized Them As My Own." It's author, as I said, Mr. Jason Masked Phenom Wheeler Zero Cruise Flanagan.

This book really delves into the life and times behind the "Man Who Would Be Named Something Else Tomorrow." It goes through each of the personas, really explaining about what each one was about.

The only problem is he doesn't really get through them all. For some reason he doesn't put in Faust, or his lesser-known character Power Bottom.

That latter character, I actually have done some research on, mainly because I was curious why he didn't throw him in this book. This "Power Bottom" persona was created during his days in prison, when he was incarcerated for trafficking drugs, and soliciting men for fetish rape scenes.

Yes... Power Bottom was one he thought about bringing to the world of professional wrestling, but he didn't figure that using his gaping cheeks as a "finisher," or as he called it "the closing of the deal," would fly.

But... He did go into detail in his book about some of his other characters... Here let me find a passage to share...

Jake opens the book, and flips through a couple of chapters, finding the one he likes.

Jake Starr: ... AH! Here's one! This one comes from the chapter on "Jason Wheeler."

Having realized that nobody was taking me seriously anymore, I decided to try using the name I had always claimed was my God-given name, Jason Wheeler. It was at this time I also picked a nickname "The Man of 1000 Names," hoping it would alleviate people from picking on me about changing names.

I was able to get a big buzz at first. People initially thought that I was someone new. People thought this "Jason Wheeler character" was going to have potential to be something big.

I'm serious, I changed everything. I changed my looks by dressing like a Native American. I changed my speech to sound my "deep" like my brother. I changed my alignment to team up with people I didn't necessarily agree with. I stole valets from others hoping it'd help my stock. I even changed my sexuality to bisexual, again, thinking others would think I was someone new.

They didn't. They called me a name thief. They called me by my other names. I realized I had taken an oversized black penis in my sensitive rectum for nothing, and now, I like it.

Jake looks up from the book.

Jake Starr: My apologies for the slightly graphic nature of that passage. But I felt it helped to showcase the persona that this man is.

He is a troubled man desperate for attention. And when I say desperate, let me emphasize DESPERATE! He wants everyone to fear him, and he'll continue changing who he is until he succeeds. Which, I must say, is unfortunate.

I can say I understand his desire. I know what it is like to be in that mentality where you just want to be accepted. I too know what it's like to feel that inner pain. And I must say, it is understandable. It's understandable to want to not be seen as someone stealing the ideas of others, and actually being someone who is innovative. And like I've also said... I know what it's like to try and find your "niche" as a persona in this business.

Unfortunately, when you seemingly change your name, like normal people do underwear, it doesn't work in this business.

Jake continues to thumb through the pages of the book.

Jake Starr: There was another part in this book talking about "Jason Zero," the latest encarnation of himself. I marked the page, wanting to make sure I shared this with you.

... For those who know me, know that I am never happy. I'm never content. I never accept what "is." Things just can't go my way enough. I've even dressed my boyfriend up in multiple outfits, called him names of other people in the organizations, even though I know they aren't with me. I try everything. I do everything. I beg everyone. I blame everyone. It's them! It's all them! When will people see me for what I am? When will people give me my due?

They say I'm jealous. They say I'm bitter. WHAT DO THEY KNOW ABOUT ME?!

I don't say these words as any character but myself. I am Jason Zero, today. But I am always me, and I always know I am in the right. DAMMIT I'M RIGHT! THEY'RE WRONG! I DESERVE IT! NOT THEM!

Jake's emphasis on specific words hopes to get the message from the book across. Jake looks up. A stoic, and understanding look on his face.

Jake Starr: Can you feel the pain? I can feel it. These words make me feel like I understand why he went through renaming the same character over and over again. I feel like I completely understand why he is trying to rip other people off by pretending he is with people he isn't. I can feel the persona of someone who is a bartender today, sports agent tomorrow, and super secret spy next week.

I feel this! It's RAW EMOTION MAN!!!

Jake leafs through the pages, and lightly begins to nod his head.

Jake Starr: After reading all of this, I can tell you, this is a man on a mission. He's on a mission to be the same person he's always been. He's nobody new. He's nobody different. He's the same! He wants to continue to be, but change just a fraction of himself in order to spark interest, and then revert back to his old ways. It's a normal thing in this business.

Unfortunately, like the others, this book concludes expressing a desire, and expectation to become the "top dog" in this industry. It expresses an urge to FINALLY prove himself to the world, and show that he's not just a name-changer, but someone who is for real... Again...

This book concludes in a world of "wishes" rather than a world of reality. Many, if not all, see through this make-shift facade. And many, again if not all, realize the truth about this man, who cannot seem to settle on an identity. So hopefully, even though several, oh maybe a couple dozen people, have purchased and read this book, they'll realize the lies that are put out there by this man, and hopefully see through it. Or at least see another man in need of committal to a mental ward, and sign the necessary documents for the involuntary institutionalizing of him.

Jake closes his final book, and sets it atop the stack with the other two. He looks over at the end table where he sat his bubble-pipe, and picks it up. He lifts the toy to his lips, and proceeds to blow bubbles in the air, while continuing to treat it as a normal pipe.

Jake Starr: Oh how I do hope everyone enjoyed our time we got to spend together today. I know I had a JOLLY-GOOD time sharing some of those "classic" novels with you, and I hope you'd join those 54 of us, in total, who was able to pick this book up, and reflect on the words and emotions that were expressed within its cover. I know I have, and will continue to do so.

I also hope everyone takes away the same vital information regarding these individuals, much like I did. I believe their work to be, for the most part, factual and honest. I honestly believe they shed some light on their "inner" selves, and I praise them for it, and do hope their books eventually sell enough copies, to where they can say their book-sell numbers were in, dare I say, the HUNDREDS!

But alas... After all is said and done, the world will see why devouring an entire shipment, case, and batch of Krispy Kreme Donuts, talking and talking AND TALKING for hours on end about things only someone with a warped sense of mentality would understand, and having 1400 different names all over the SAME PERSON won't help you succeed in life...

It also takes talent!

Do come back! I look forward to our next chance to share thoughts and ideas about various literary work that may, or may not, have the mainstream attention and literary prowess of work by authors such as Fyodor Dostoevsky, John Steinbeck or J. D. Salinger.

Bye bye friends!

With those final words, Jake smiles at the camera once more, and begins to once again puff on his toy pipe, allowing bubbles to fill the room. A childish melody begins to play, as Jake gives one final wink to the camera, and the scene fades to black. Now the world can wait in angst to see the reactions of Jake's opposition to his personal take on their writings. Will they like the critique the SCW Champion provided? Or will it not sit well, and cause a bit of a commotion among the three? Regardless, the world will see their reaction in full force at the 2 for 1 Special, presented in tandem by IWC and SCW.


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