Personal Bio Wrestler Bio
RP Archive Affiliates
Contact Me
As has become the norm in SCW, Jake Starr wasted no time going after his latest opponent. Unlike the norm... His opponent was quick to fire back!

Since Jake's initial promo, Dillusion quickly replied with one of his own, and let Jake know he meant business.

Jake, still using his loss to Cherry, prior to Body, Heart and Soul, as motivation to not take his opposition lightly, knows that in Dillusion, he has a serious opponent, with serious goals. Dillusion hopes that his match with Starr, and his hopeful assault on the World Champion, will propel him into the ranks of the Underground Championship, a belt he seems to covet more than any other.

Jake knows the motivations a championship belt can provide to one. He hasn't forgotten about his bouts with James Exeter, when he was the hunter for the most elite championship around the halls of Supreme Championship Wrestling. He knows that a victory in a major battle can really boost ones "street cred" with the "powers that be."

Knowing all of this, Jake knows he has his work cut out for him.

When the match was initially announced, Jake began his preparations as he would with any match. Although his ability to find adequate research of Dillusion was slim, he did find some tapes on his opponent that quickly showed where his opponent's weaknesses lie. After that, he set out to make sure he's prepared to exploit those weaknesses in front of the world.

He also knows the caveat that this match houses as well. The rumored "business association" between Dillusion and Mr. Drachewych have left Jake realizing that a battle on multiple fronts is all but inevitable.

It's another challenge he's used to accepting.

He's gone to one of the local gyms that he usually frequents to begin the strength training part of his regimen. It is one of the few aspects of his game he has neglected in recent times, and has decided with Dillusion, the opportunity has presented itself where he can, once again, give it the attention it needs.

As the scene fades in, Jake is being spotted on the bench press, working several reps. The spotter continues to encourage Jake to push for one more rep, time after time. The strain in Jake's face, from the repeated reps, is blatantly obvious. As he pushes the last rep, the spotter helps Jake secure the bar on the stirrups. Jake reaches to his side and grabs his towel, and wipes his face off.

The trainer tells Jake he did a good job, and says he needs to go take care of some paperwork, and he'd be back in a bit.

Jake continues to lie back relaxing from his workout, when over his shoulder he hears his name mentioned. He tries to look back from where he is laying, but the front desk, where the voice came from, is unable to be seen. He strains to sit up, but manages to succeed.

From where he is, he looks into the mirror on the wall, across from his bench, and sees a pair of men standing at the front desk. With the suns position, Jake can only make our their silhouettes, until one of them figures begins skipping around and clapping, seeing Jake's reflection.

Jake realizes it's his old friends, Numa Numa Guy and Star Wars Kid.

Jake sighs, and mutters the words "not now" to himself. He knows having Star Wars Kid around all of the expensive workout equipment could present a possible "situation," and not the type that have abs with the moniker either.

The worker at the front desk informs the two that he cannot allow them back there.

Jake knows this may not end well!

Star Wars Kid continues to be excited, having seen Jake, and knowing Jake saw them, and doesn't want to be restrained from going back there. Star Wars Kid backs up and rushes the worker, barreling through him like a linebacker, and continuing his blitz towards Jake.

Jake goes wide-eyed seeing this.

Numa Numa Guy quickly gives chase, with the gym worker slowly gathering himself to his feet, and also trailing the special kid, and shouting, "You can't go back there!"

Amidst the chase, Star Wars Kid falls over several pieces of equipment, most likely breaking numerous items. He barrels into one piece of equipment that sends everything into a domino-like effect through much of the equipment surrounding Jake. Jake, disgusted, just sulks his head and remains seated, as everything comes crashing around him.

As the catastrophe surrounding the World Champion begins to simmer down to a dead silence, Jake takes an audible deep breath, and looks up at the gym worker.

Jake Starr: Listen I'm.. I apologize for these two. I'll arrange for this mess to be cleaned up, and everything repaired if need be. You know I'm good for it...

The worker glares at the two individuals responsible for the carnage, still winded from the chase. He then looks over at Jake, panting, and agrees to Jake's request. He walks back to the counter to put a sign on the door saying "closed for maintenance."

Jake looks up at the two, still obviously physically tired.

Jake Starr: So... What is it you two are doing here?


Jake looks over at Numa Numa Guy completely confused at what Star Wars Kid is talking about. Star Wars Kid begins frantically clapping, and then finds a pole, which he instantly assumes is a new light saber.

While he entertains himself, Numa Numa Guy begins to explain their reasoning.

Numa Numa Guy: Man... I'm really sorry!

Jake continues to glare at him.

Numa Numa Guy: Here's what happened. See, Star Wars Kid got wind of the whole situation about you "ducking..."

Jake rolls his eyes.

Numa Numa Guy: Yeah I agree, it's annoying, but still he doesn't comprehend that! When Star Wars Kid got wind of this, he decided he was going to "save the day" again...

Jake Starr: With Jesus again?

Numa Numa Guy: Huh?

Numa Numa Guy looks confused.

Jake Starr: You know... Never mind... Anyway continue...

Numa Numa Guy: Alright... So... He used his bloodhound nose, and found you a trainer!

Jake Starr: Did you just see the guy who was just here?

Numa Numa Guy: Different kind!

Jake cocks and eyebrow.

Numa Numa Guy: Star Wars Kid wouldn't stop harassing this man and...

Jake Starr: Oh God!

Numa Numa Guy: No no no! It didn't turn out with any lawsuits. But after all was said and done, a deal was struck between his rep and us to help you out.

Jake's expression shows the complete lack of impression this pitch is giving.

Numa Numa Guy: I'm begging you man! Just humor the kid so we can get this over with.

Jake Starr: Ugh! Fine!

Numa Numa Guy: Ok he's out back!

Jake Starr: Why out back?

Numa Numa Guy: We had to wheel him back there, and drop him off!

Jake Starr: Did you say "wheel" him back there?

Numa Numa Guy: Yeah! You'll understand!

The trio make their way towards the back door of the gym. Before exiting, Jake looks back at the chaos that, now is, the gym he was working out in.

As they walk out the back Jake looks around, and sees nobody. With his back to the camera, a monkey wrench flies into frame and clobbers Jake in the back of the head. Jake stumbles forward and grabs the back of his head.

Jake Starr: OW! SON OF A... WHAT THE F_CK?!

Star Wars Kid begins clapping repeatedly, pointing, and laughing. Jake looks in the direction of his finger-pointing to see Rip Torn, dressed as his character, Patches O'Houlihan, from the movie "Dodgeball." Jake glares at the man, as Star Wars Kid continues his excited shouts of glee, and mentally retarded clapping.

Rip Torn: Son... There are five...

Jake quickly interrupts.

Jake Starr: D's in dodge ball... Yes... I know...

Rip throws another wrench at Jake. Jake quickly ducks, and watches the wrench fly by him and hit Star Wars Kid square in the forehead. Star Wars Kid immediately begins laughing and cheering, completely unharmed.

Numa Numa Guy and Jake are wide-eyed looking at one another, then slowly turning their head staring at Star Wars Kid in shock. While his head is turned, Rip throws another wrench, this one hitting Jake in the side of the head.

Jake Starr: GOD DAMMIT!

Rip Torn: ... That wasn't what I was going to say asshole!

Jake glares at Rip.

Rip Torn: What I was going to say is there are five D's in professional wrestling! Do you know them?

Jake shakes his head while rubbing where the wrench hit him.

Rip Torn: Didn't think so... They're Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck, and Goose!

Jake is dumbfounded.

Jake Starr: But the last one...

Numa Numa Guy quickly interrupts.

Numa Numa Guy: Trust me... Don't say it!

Jake looks over at Numa Numa Guy in complete confusion.

Jake Starr: What in the HELL kind of deal could have gotten you to bring Rip Torn...

Star Wars Kid begins scolding Jake, reminding him he's in the presence of "Patches O'Houlihan."

Jake Starr: ... My mistake... Patches O'Houlihan... What kind of "deal" brought him here?

Numa Numa Guy: The local D. A. considered it a "Community Service Agreement." They said because of Star Wars Kid here, it was part of his plea deal for his recent arrest.

Jake Starr: Ah!

Rip Torn: ... And we ALL know how much I love the retards!

Jake Starr: Ok terrific...

Rip then proceeds with his "training."

Rip Torn: Son... If you're going to duck something in professional wrestling, you must first master the art of ducking a wrench...

Jake Starr: Or...?

Rip Torn: Or option two is to change your surname to "Miller," and subsequently be a complete and utter douche bag.

Jake Starr: I could probably do that one! Hell... Timmy from South Park could pull that one off!

Rip throws yet another wrench and Jake ducks, and watches as it hits Star Wars Kid once again. Still un-phased by the physical assault, Star Wars Kid continues laughing, clapping, and pointing, like a child who has just seen Mickey Mouse for the first time at Disney World.

Rip Torn: I don't know about that one... I don't think he's capable of filling either of those qualifications... Which is kind of sad considering the second one!

Jake Starr: True...

Rip Torn: Now... Part of my plea deal said I have to teach you how to master these five D's. By the little I've heard you now, the douche bag part you seem well versed in. And by the comments made by the aforementioned man with the surname needed, you've accomplished the necessary criteria. So... Umm... Congratulations! You passed!

Star Wars Kid begins cheering and hugging Jake spastically.

Jake Starr: Isn't there a fifth?

Rip Torn: ... Oh... Yeah...

Rip rolls his motorized scooter over to Star Wars Kid, and gooses him in the behind.

Rip Torn: There's the last one! Now... I need a drink!

Rip Torn rolls out of frame in search of his latest drink. Jake watches, still in shock at what all just happened. Star Wars Kid continues to celebrate Jake's "graduation" from Patches O'Houlihan's "school." With Jake now a master of the five D's, and contemplating changing his last name to fully embrace the moniker bestowed upon him, he, hopefully, can begin, once again, gearing up for his match at Breakdown. He hopes this turns out to be the last distraction he'll encounter prior to his next match, but he also knows that his compatriots, and fellow Social Misfits, have been known to surprise him with more and more "surprises" on a daily basis.

Jake Starr: Hmm... Wow... Umm... What to think? Umm... Ok...

Question... Did anyone have a clue what Dilly was talking about?! No seriously, I was following along, listening, thinking, "Ok I see what he's saying," and then BOOM! He went completely crazy on me.

It began all normal, you know, making fat jokes about Buster (always appropriate), talking about his history as World Champion (again, relevant), talking about how the World Championship isn't his ultimate goal (under-achieving, but understandable), and then, out of no where, he starts talking about using images in promos to make them seem longer?

Umm... Ok?

I was completely unaware that images effected the concept of time.

I... Well... Wow... Maybe Dillusion is, well, delusional? It's either that, or he really forgets what he is doing, and simply needs to understand the difference between talking and scrap-booking... Oh and the differences in word usage like "one" versus "won," grammar, spelling, you know, the simple things...


Through his trough of inane babble I was able to, somewhat, pick out some points I believe he was trying to make.

To begin with, he mentioned something about being hired to hurt not beat me. Well, that's all well and good. I'm glad to know that he has no intentions of "beating" me. Although, I find it kind of hypocritical he expects to "hurt" me without "beating" me. It seems kind of oxymoronic if you ask me. Does Dilly expect to come out and put me through some emotional turmoil that scars me for life, or does he plan on coming out and wrestling, and fighting. I mean, if we're going to be having a "who can make the other bust into tears first" type of contest, I may just bring a mirror. Once he sees the mess he truly is... Yeah... I'd cry too!

Thankfully, and I'm very glad for this, he'll have himself someone of equal, little, worth to console him. You know the guy, that Speedy guy. The one that reminds everyone of Salacious Crumb from Star Wars, you know the little turd sitting next to Jabba the Hutt cackling profusely, yet serving no purpose in life? Yeah that one! They'll have each other, and it'll be cute!

After that, his words of "wis-dumb" began to really spiral downhill.

He made reference to people who, for all intents and purposes, are fictional, doing rather odd things to me. Supposedly he's become a "mercenary" with a ninja sidekick?

Wow... Do people actually do background checks on people before just letting them into an organization anymore?

Anyway... I think the underlying message, behind the made up words and really poor analogies, was that he's out to do the dirty work of Daddy D. Didn't I know this already? It makes no difference to me. Truth be told, he's not the first, nor the last, to be sent out by Daddy D to do his dirty work. Hell... Remember Stacy "The Whore" Kissinger? Remember Christian "I Talk, and Talk, and Talk, and Talk, and Talk" Savior? How can anyone forget Greg "Titty Baby" Cherry?

They all were on the "mission from God" to take me out.

Every last one of them were tasked with beating me into submission, and making me learn the error of my ways. Each one failed. Dilly-Dally won't be some special case to the situation. He'll come in, riding his high horse, talking his big game, and face a foe he hasn't even had a chance to fully figure out.

Trust me... Daddy D's "Minion of the Day" has failed once, and will fail again.

Another question... What's "Tacho Bell?" That's one of those things I couldn't figure out!

Trudging through the inane babbling this guy was spewing was, well, difficult. See, right about now, he began talking about, what I could only assume was, his love for scrap-booking. He started babbling about pictures making his promos longer, like I mentioned earlier, and, well, it didn't really make sense. Granted, after he got about one-and-a-half topics into his suare of queefs, he stopped making sense all together, but nevertheless, somehow he decided to say I looked like his "BFF?"

Ok look... First off... What sane, normal, coherent, heterosexual, man has a "BFF?" Seriously? Whoever this Turner guy is, apparently another from the past world of SCW that is now completely irrelevant, isn't around anymore. His name doesn't strike fear into any hearts or minds! All I know is he was inducted to the Hall of Fame by someone else from SCW-lore, hoping his return would stir up a big "z

Numa Numa Guy:M-G" reaction, and it bombed faster than Hiroshima...

What? Too soon still?

See for some reason the mention of this Turner character is supposed to make me worry that he may come back for me. I mean, Dilly-Dally did go on to tell me all about Turner's accomplishments. He talked about his life like he knows it inside and out...

... Which is a dirty thought if you ask me!

Speaking of resembling someone... I swear Dilly reminds me of some homosexually-charged guy who walked around begging people to fancy his penis, yet, nobody would... Hmm... Thankfully I can't put my finger on it...

Then he goes on to babble about the Speed guy, and then some other guy is his valentine or something, I don't know. It really just came to a screeching halt about 2 minutes into it.

All-in-all, Dillusion proved my point. He showed his complete lack of coherence and vision about this match. He seemingly thinks this match cannot do wonders for him overall. He thinks that, win or lose, he'll prove enough to get eyed for SOME KIND of title shot in the future, yet doesn't understand that it takes WINS to EARN those opportunities.

They're not handed out to just ANYONE.

I walked into this organization a nobody, and I worked my way into being a somebody. I didn't have to suck the tiny penis of any management representative in order to get where I am. I EARNED it. It's something that this young lad is incapable of doing or comprehending.

He, in a sense, reminds me a LOT of Greg Cherry.

See, when Buster came out of retirement, it was to protect his little reign as the "longest-serving" champion in SCW. He walked in and demanded it completely be handed to him on a silver platter. He didn't want to have to climb back through the rankings to get where he wanted. Neither does Dilly-boy... He expects to do whatever the one, who holds his "Tacho's," tells him, and he expects rewards for it. It doesn't work that way, kid!

This isn't somewhere like the "I Work for Cheetos" organization where, odds are, you blow a guy, who knows a guy, and you get whatever it is you're after. Doing a favor isn't going to get you ahead in life. It doesn't work that way here.

So, for Dilly's sake, he had better realize who I am, and what I represent for HIS future. He has all of these "wants" that he expects one little favor to get for him, win or lose. He doesn't understand that beating THE MAN in SCW would propel him to heights that would get him any desire he wants. Whether it's a shot at Foxx, a jiggle of his sack from Turner or Speed, a strip tease from his valentine, whatever, he could actually have SOME form of legit argument to get it. Instead, he just passes it off, like it's nothing.

So be it...

If he wants to brush me off, and expect this, obviously mental, beat down to get him to whatever heights he so chooses... Let him! Let him be that ignorant. Let him dabble in the ways of those who have FAILED to utilize their opportunity staring them in the face. Let him be JUST ANOTHER NOBODY in my wake. Let him hinge his entire existence on the past accomplishments of others, hoping it convinces the "powers that be" to give him one by association.

Let him! Seriously... Let him!

In the end, it'll be his ultimate undoing against me. Like everyone else before him, he'll come face to face, expecting little out of me, and a lot out of him, and receive the polar opposite. He'll have everything he hoped to never see looking him square in the eyes, and in the end, fall short.

Like I said... His predecessors failed... He'll fail... EPICALLY!


Back to Role Play Archive | Home