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To quote a famous American President... Mission Accomplished!

To many, what was destined to eventually happen, did so at this past edition of Breakdown. Many suspected it would be just a matter of time before Jake Starr accomplished his goal, and defeated James Exeter, and became the SCW World Champion.

Now he must look ahead.

For a champion, their job is never done. They must always look around and see that they are, no longer, the hunters, they are the hunted. For Jake, this is a feeling he has yearned for. He doesn't enjoy the role of the hunter. He doesn't enjoy the chase. He enjoys taking down those who chase him. He likes feeling like everyone is gunning for him. Because with each dream he crushes, the celebration becomes that much more enjoyable, and that much more meaningful that he wasn't "lucky."

Regardless, Jake and Brandon have begun their celebration today!

The two have retreated back to Jake's house in Iowa to celebrate their recent achievement. They both know that it will be one that makes everyone around them have that deep-down desire to be just like them. Everyone will want to know the feeling they are basking in at this moment.

On their way to Jake's house, they stopped for a case of champagne to celebrate with. Not necessarily to drink, but to spew everywhere like they just won the Stanley Cup.

As the scene fades in, the walls, carpet, and furniture of Jake's entertainment room have already been soaked with the champagne they have shaken up, and hosed everywhere. With the sounds of Kool and the Gang blasting behind them, they enjoy this moment, knowing it is one they'll never forget as long as they live.

Celebrate good times, come on
(Let's celebrate)
Celebrate good times, come on
(Let's celebrate)

Jake Starr: Dude I can't believe we finally did it!!

Brandon Evans: I know! How long have we been waiting?!

Jake Starr: Way too long man, way too long!

We're gonna have a good time tonight
Let's celebrate, it's all right
We're gonna have a good time tonight
Let's celebrate, it's all right

Jake Starr: WOO!!!

The two continue to shake up and spew champagne everywhere. Eventually Jake runs over to Brandon, and pours the bubbly booze over his head, and watches it splatter on the floor.

Jake Starr: Dude... I don't remember a time when I was THIS happy and excited!

Brandon Evans: What about getting married?

Jake Starr: It definitely comes close to that! I mean, this is something I have wanted since I first caught wind of it, and I wasn't going to stop until I got it! I didn't care what it took!

Brandon Evans: I know man! I'm lucky to be riding along with you!

Jake Starr: ANYONE would be lucky to be on this party-train with us!

Brandon Evans: HELL YEAH! WOO!!!

Once again, the two return to dousing their surroundings in champagne, and periodically taking a swig themselves. Their jubilation is similar to a child receiving that special Christmas gift they asked Santa for.

Unfortunately for both Jake and Brandon, they seemingly are the only two who are sharing this cheer and excitement.

Apparently the two didn't inform Roeper of their decision to have a celebration party in the entertainment room of their house. She heard the music randomly begin to blast, and knew it spelled trouble. She enters the room and immediately gets a horrified look on her face. Neither Jake on Brandon, amidst their "happy time," notices Roeper enter the room. She quickly lunges for the remote that controls the sound system, and hits stop. Both Brandon and Jake immediately freeze, knowing Roeper has caught them in the act, and is standing directly behind them.

Both Jake and Brandon slowly begin to turn around, knowing they're probably in for a world of hurt for messing up Roeper's entertainment room. As their 180-degree turn completes, Jake immediately grabs another bottle of champagne, and extends it out towards an, obviously enraged, Roeper.

Jake Starr: Come to join the party, love?!

Roeper's face begins to quiver, as her anger begins to show through more and more. Jake continues to put on the cheesy smile, hoping she accepts the peace offering.

Roeper Hart: What in the HELL is going on here?!

Brandon Evans: We're celebrating!

Roeper Hart: I can see that BRANDON! Why are you two celebrating in MY entertainment room, and more importantly, why in God's name would you even THINK spewing champagne all over would be ok?!

Brandon and Jake both look at one another from the corners of their eyes. Brandon shrugs, and Jake decides to try and explain.

Jake Starr: Umm... Because it's a momentous day?

Roeper Hart: Momen... Momentous?! Because you won a f_cking World Championship, you think it's ok to ruin everything we own? You think it's ok to force me to have to look into getting new furniture?!

Jake cocks and eyebrow.

Jake Starr: Wait wait...

Roeper Hart: NO! You wait! I understand you're excited! I understand this is why...

Jake Starr: Wait...

Roeper Hart: I WILL NOT WAIT! I understand this is why you came back! I...

Jake finally yells to catch Roeper's attention.

Jake Starr: ROEPER!

Roeper Hart: God dammit WHAT?!

Jake takes a deep breath, now having finally calmed his wife down enough to listen.

Jake Starr: That's not what we're celebrating!

Roeper immediately goes from purely angered, to angered with a smattering of confusion built in.

Roeper Hart: What?!

Brandon Evans: Yeah... This has nothing to do with that!

Jake Starr: ... Now don't get me wrong, I'm stoked about finally proving that Exeter was an overrated boob, but I wouldn't go off of the deep end celebrating like this, for that!

Roeper Hart: Well then WHAT are you two celebrating?!

Both Brandon and Jake look at each other and grin like teenage girls who just got asked out by the high school quarterback.

Jake Starr: You'll never believe it!

Roeper Hart: For this celebration, I damn well better!

Jake Starr: Brandon just found out who the father of his child is!

Brandon Evans: Yep!

Brandon's face goes from grinning to complete shock at what Jake just said.

Brandon Evans: ... HEY! WHAT... THE... F_CK?!

Jake begins to laugh, and Brandon continues to stare at his partner-in-crime with a stunned look.

Jake Starr: Ok ok ok... Seriously...

Brandon immediately goes back to having a cheesy smile on his face, and looks directly at Roeper.

Jake Starr: ... Brandon and I just became part of a RARE group of individuals tasked with helping test and develop one of the newest, and ingenious ideas ever.

Roeper's confusion continues to show through.

Roeper Hart: What?

Jake Starr: We have been tapped to become part of one of the most EXCLUSIVE teams in the world.

Roeper Hart: Ok...

Jake takes a deep breath, and smiles extremely big in preparation for this ground-breaking announcement.

Jake Starr: Brandon and I... Well... We just received GOOGLE WAVE INVITES!

Brandon and Jake both exclaim loudly, and Jake quickly runs over and hands the bottle of champagne to Roeper. She is stunned.

Is this REALLY why her husband and cohort have been ruining their entertainment room?

She stands there, shocked at what she heard, as Brandon and Jake resume their extravagant celebration. Roeper finally shakes her head out of the daze she was put in by the announcement, and brings the jovial mood to a screeching halt, again.

Roeper Hart: WHAT?!

Jake Starr: Isn't it exciting?!

Roeper Hart: What in the hell is Google Wave?!

Insert record screeching here.

Jake Starr: What?!

Brandon Evans: What did she say?!

Roeper Hart: I said... What is Google Wave?!

Jake pulls his iPhone out, and surfs to the "About" page of Google Wave.

Jake Starr: ... Since it's kind of hard to describe in my vernacular, I'll use theirs... Ahem... Google Wave is an online tool for real-time communication and collaboration. A wave can be both a conversation and a document where people can discuss and work together using richly formatted text, photos, videos, maps, and more!

Jake takes another deep breath, smiles, and poses. Roeper's level of "impressed" has gone from slim, to absolute zero.

Roeper Hart: You know what...

Brandon Evans: Chicken-butt!

Jake looks over at Brandon bewieldered.

Jake Starr: Are we five years old again?

Brandon Evans: With our mentality sometimes, I wonder!

Jake Starr: Anyway... What?

Roeper Hart: You two clean this up... Period! This is the room people get to feel WELCOMED in, and I'm NOT having it look like the locker room after a World Championship!

Jake squints his eyes, knowing he's about to say something he probably shouldn't.

Jake Starr: But... I did just win a World Championship!

Roeper Hart: UGH!!!

Roeper turns around and storms out of the room. The room sits silent, and Brandon finally looks over at Jake.

Brandon Evans: Umm... So what now?

Jake Starr: Umm... I GOT IT!

Jake takes a final sip from his champagne bottle, and pulls his phone out again. He fiddles around on it, and apparently dials a number. He holds it up to his ear as the other end is picked up.

Jake Starr: Hello Merry Maids...

As Jake tells the Merry Maids the task he needs them to perform, he grins knowing he and Brandon won't have to worry about the mess anymore. As Jake hangs up the phone with the cleaning service, Brandon slinks over and pushes the play button, and "Celebration" booms throughout the house once again, and the two commence their excessive celebration. The scene slowly fades out on the two as Jake is pulling out two Cuban cigars to highlight the evening, and bring their celebration to an enjoyable end.

Jake Starr: To say "I told you so," would simply be, well, correct. I made it clear that if the match was on an even playing field, Exeter would NOT be emerging victorious, or for that matter, a champion. It is now something even he can no longer contest.

This marks one of the more memorable apogees of my career.

But, in saying that, I have learned lessons in the past about relishing in my victory, and my newly acquired championship, for too long. This will not be one of those instances.

So my eyes are forward, and in front of me I see three walking, talking, and overrated vaginas staring back at me. All of which I share a special "history" with.

First up is Jigglypuff himself, Gregory Cherry. Aptly named individual for the team he's on if you ask me. So, in fitting with his team, we'll rename him Gregory Hymen for this contest.

Hymen and I encountered one another when the menacing chamber was lowered around us. He was able to emerge victorious, and get a spot in the match, which he felt he was "deserving" of. Unfortunately, he could only use his protruding pudge to his advantage so many times, before he encountered me, and was shut down. Hopefully he didn't overindulge himself, or overdo his record caloric intake afterwards, due to the depression of knowing he just didn't cut it anymore.

There were moments since then, granted few, where I almost worried about him...


He comes into this match with a bone to pick with the "tag along" Brandon and I have for this match, Jason Wheeler. Their beef with one another seemingly is pretty deep, but unfortunately it isn't a care to me. All I do know is that should Hymen actually get into the ring with me, he'll once again be in over his head.

See, I know what Buster has done here...

Did I say Buster? I meant Gregory, sorry!

Nevertheless... I know what he has accomplished here. It may be impressive to some, but the fact he has allowed his career to taper off into the shell that it is now, shows a lot. It shows how, albeit, he may have had high points in Supreme Championship Wrestling, they have been rendered a moot point. Nobody should ever be considered a "legend" or a "superstar" in an organization, and have fallen so far down like he has. Unfortunately for him, Breakdown isn't going to be the soft and cushy landing he had envisioned. Instead, it'll be another crater opening up beneath him, and he'll continue his never-ending journey down, down, down, down, to the depths of the roster known as the "jobber list."

Now who's next..?

Oh... My... God!!

Could it truly be?! Are my eyes deceiving me?! Do I truly get to share the ring with the redneck wonder herself, AGAIN?! Will I really be blessed to share the ring with Stacy Kissinger for, YET ANOTHER, encounter between the "Queen of the Golden Shower," herself?

Be still my beating heart!

When I heard that Stacy was going to be involved in this match I literally had my lunch come up, and give me a second tasting. Needless to say, sushi the second time around is NOT as good as the first!


So Kissinger somehow is trying to weasel her way back into a match people care about. How shocking. Nobody gives a damn about her, her past, her annoying fake accent, or her involvement in whatever storyline it is she's supposedly involved with right now. So what does she do? The same thing she did before that actually got her some attention, she seeks me out, and hopes that by slapping her around, people might actually pay attention to her. Unfortunately for Mrs. Irrelevant herself, after she gets her attention by sharing the ring with me, she'll once again fall away back into obscurity where she belongs.

Stacy needs to understand that Supreme Championship Wrestling is evolving, and has officially begun its trek down a new path. Back in the day, it was about the Infection. It was about people like Stacy Kissinger. Now, that time is up. It is the time of the Social Misfits. A lot of people had their doubts about me, and the Misfits being able to succeed. This whole time, I have said it was a matter of time, and nobody heard us, nobody believed us, and nobody actually thought we could take over, BUT WE DID! Stacy will once again resort to being the doormat of SCW.

Finally... And this one is the "doozy" of the "Trio of Twats," is Katie Steward.

Ladies and gentlemen, this one is the one who I will soon face once again, and who also continues to dance around claiming to be the next SCW Champion. She's also one who had her furry bush punted by Brandon at Breakdown, which I must say, was UTTERLY HYSTERICAL! Watching her double-over, grabbing her nether-region, was something that will continue to bring me joy and humor throughout my entire life.

She should also be quite grateful for it. I'm serious! She should outright THANK Brandon for booting her where he did. See for one, it gives her a valid reason to actually massage her cooch, and diddle herself. She can blame it on the soreness, or she's checking to make sure the swelling has gone down. The second reason, it should have cured her worries of actually being able to give birth. Lord knows she was as worried as the rest of the world that she might actually be able to procreate, and have offspring that causes the human race to continue to devolve back to the Neanderthal era.

Truthfully, Katie and her pack of poons are probably thinking they'll have some involvement in this match, and subsequently do so at Gang Rulz. First off, the three of them couldn't take out James Exeter, so how in the HELL should I actually worry they could do something to me?

Katie RELIES on them to actually succeed, when she SHOULD rely on them to actually teach her how to make a coherent thought. Has anyone ever actually LISTENED to what she says?! If anyone actually had paid attention to ANYTHING she has said recently, nobody would ever give her the time of day, nor any credit what so ever. She's too busy throwing incomplete thoughts out there, and expecting everyone to just overlook it. HORSE SH!T! This is a business where, if you're going to come out and say something publicly, THINK ABOUT IT! Don't just hurry through some inane horse sh!t that doesn't even make sense, and HOPE it does good.

This bitch actually is one of the STUPIDEST human beings I have ever had to even try and comprehend. I actually feel like I lose brain cells every time she opens her mouth, and yet, SHE wants to be the CHAMPION? Does she not realize what a CHAMPION does? She has to be RESPECTED, and actually be someone who can ARGUE the point that she would be the champion. She can't argue her way out of a paper sack, let alone give a valid point to her being WORTHY of this championship.

If people CONTINUE to actually ignore this IDIOT, it'll show the lack of intelligence protruding from the masses around this place. HOPEFULLY the fact that I am pointing out the complete incompetence of a certain person around this place will force people to open their eyes. HOPEFULLY people will begin to see that it takes a sense of intelligence to be in this business, and more importantly, be a contender for this championship I now hold.

These, people, are the FACTS!


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