Personal Bio Wrestler Bio
RP Archive Affiliates
Contact Me
With Breakdown days away, and Gang Rulz on the horizon, the Social Misfits have a lot on their plate. Jake, once again, has two SCW Championship matches staring him in the face, and the potential to emerge victorious in both lurking in the back of his mind.

But before the Social Misfits can focus on either of those tasks, they have been requested to partake in another beforehand.

Several SCW stars have been tapped to go out and do promotion for Gang Rulz, the Misfits obviously being two of them. Unfortunately for both Misfits, CHBK has elected not to provide them with the typical hotel establishments they have grown accustomed to. Instead, they are in a local motel, with dingy walls, subpar water pressure, and a small television.

Neither man is impressed.

As they have wrapped up the promotion they were asked to do, they try their best to relax in the motel they've been "put up" in, and await their flight out in the morning. Neither man can overlook the fact they have been given "less than optimal" quarters for this excursion, and can't refrain any longer from pointing it out.

Jake Starr: ... Don't you think CHBK could have put us up in some better hotels since we're promoting HIS SHOW?!

Brandon Evans: No... What do you think CHBK stands for?

Jake Starr: Umm... Canadian Heart Break Kid?

Brandon Evans: Nope... I've figured out the real meaning.

Jake Starr: Enlighten me!

Brandon Evans: Can't Help Buying Krap!

Jake Starr: But crap starts with a "C."

Brandon Evans: So does cold, but I wasn't "Cold Killa" with a "C" was I?

Jake Starr: True... You are the "rebel."

On the small television, Sportscenter begins to show clips from the NFL games on Sunday. Jake's attention to what is being shown in minimal, while Brandon watches very alertly. As ESPN reaches the Panthers/Saints game, Brandon breaks out into a diatribe about the loss the Panthers suffered, that catches Jake completely off guard.

Brandon Evans: If we don't get rid of the damned offensive coordinator, I'm going to lose my f_cking mind watching him call stupid f_cking plays. Deep plays twice in a row on a game winning drive when Williams is running at will, what a f_cking stupid piece of sh!t. He needs to have his d!ck chopped off for being so f_cking retarded!

Jake glares at his friend, shocked at the rant he just completed.

Jake Starr: ... Wow!

Brandon Evans: This whole season has been ruined in a single week by this retarded ass f_cker!

Jake Starr: Now now... If you're going to act like this, I'm going to turn it off, and not allow you to watch anymore!

Brandon shoots a piercing stare towards Jake. Jake cocks and eyebrow, and tries to calm Brandon down.

Jake Starr: Dude... Saturday Iowa got beat. We lost our quarterback, probably going to lose our chance at a Rose Bowl berth, and yeah I was pissed, but it waned. It waned in mere HOURS!

Jake's words of wisdom don't deter Brandon.

Brandon Evans: Just because he and the damn QB coach get boners watching Delhomme throw a f_cking pass...

Jake looks confused.

Jake Starr: Wait... Delhomme?

Brandon Evans: Yes Delhomme! ... It doesn't mean they should try it when it hasn't worked all season! The entire offseason was geared towards making Delhomme look wonderful! Then... The afore-mentioned jerk-off goes and ruins Delhomme, and his buddy booth f_ck-stick, Davidson, refuses NOT to pass!

Jake Starr: Do you need some alone time?

Brandon Evans: ... I'm so f_cking sick from that! My stomach is just turning!

Jake Starr: Dude! Saturday was that way for me, but I got over it!

Brandon Evans: F_cking Panthers!

Jake gets the typical look people get when they have just had an idea, or realization.

Jake Starr: Wait a sec...

Brandon Evans: What now?

Jake Starr: I thought you were a Miami fan?

Brandon Evans: I am!

Jake Starr: Then why are your panties all in a twit over the Panthers?

Brandon rolls his eyes, and takes a deep breath. The inquiry from his partner may have altered his mentality enough to where the random rants will have ceased.

Brandon Evans: My family is from the Carolinas.

Jake Starr: Ok... Still... Why are you getting your nuts twisted over them?

Brandon Evans: Because, they're the team I see as my hometown team. Did you JUST now realize I've been bitching about the Panthers?

Jake Starr: Apparently!

Brandon Evans: Ugh! Let me explain, like I said my family is from the Carolinas. I moved to Miami to live by myself, and when you live in Miami, you become a fan of Miami.

Jake continues to look confused.

Brandon Evans: ... If you're not a Miami fan, the girlies won't give you the time of day. So you want to be a fan of Miami, if you're going to live in Miami.

Jake Starr: ... And you STILL relate more to the Panthers?

Brandon Evans: I just get riled up easily.

Jake Starr: That, seemingly, is a f_cking understatement!

Brandon's veer away from his rants, is merely brief, and returns to his complaints.

Brandon Evans: ... I just can't believe how f_cking STUPID Davidson is. He needs to go and coach a Pop-Warner or Pee-Wee league! Although he probably would get his ass kicked there too!

Jake Starr: Oh lord!

Brandon Evans: BUT HEY! He got his wish! He got to watch the ball fly and fly and fly, and f_ck up any chances of winning.

Jake has almost had enough. He decides to try one more time to deter his friend.

Jake Starr: On the bright side... My NFL teams won!

With a sh!t-eating grin on his face, he stares at Brandon. Brandon slowly turns his head and stares back, not amused.

Brandon Evans: Thanks to Davidson!

Jake Starr: Oh Christ!

Brandon Evans: I wish he would've gotten mugged and stabbed leaving the stadium.

Jake Starr: Jesus!

Brandon Evans: ... God damn f_cker! He keeps f_cking with MY Panthers, we'll suck!

Jake Starr: No no no! He's not f_cking WITH your Panthers, he's just f_cking them!

That comment finally breaks Brandon from his rage, and elicits the first laugh since his diatribe began.

Jake Starr: Now now... Does somebody need a reach around to calm them down?

Brandon Evans: That'd be a nice gesture!

Jake Starr: You do realize that means you would STILL be the one getting f_cked in the ass right?

Brandon begins to respond, and quickly stops, realizing Jake caught him with the comment.

Brandon Evans: DAMMIT!

Jake Starr: Ha ha!

Brandon takes another deep breath.

Brandon Evans: ... I think it is time to indulge in one of my birthday presents, from one of my many admirers.

Jake Starr: When was your birthday?

Brandon Evans: Saturday!

Jake Starr: Oh... Did I get you anything?

Brandon Evans: Yes! You and Roeper sent me a card with a gift card to a titty bar.

Jake Starr: Did I sign it too?

Brandon Evans: YES!

Jake Starr: Oh... Well happy birthday!

Brandon Evans: You didn't know did you?

Jake Starr: Hadn't a clue!

Brandon Evans: Figured...

Brandon reached over into his bag and whips out a massive bottle of Red Stag. Jake looks confused, having never seen that alcohol before.

Jake Starr: What's that?

Brandon Evans: Red Stag... Cherry bourbon...

Jake Starr: Dude if you like sweeter alcohol, go for the DiSaronno!

Brandon Evans: You and your alcohol nobody can pronounce! DiSa-whatever and that "Duh-coopers" stuff.

Jake Starr: Dude... Dekuypers! "Duh-Kai-Pers!"

Brandon Evans: Whatever! It's spelled "Duh-coopers!" Regardless, this sh!t is good, and will drown my sorrows of sh!tty Panthers football away. Then I can jerk off, and go to sleep!

Jake Starr: Interesting plan!

Brandon Evans: Works too!

With those final words, Brandon pops the top off of his bottle of bourbon, and begins to pour himself a glass. Jake quickly suggests he use the plastic cups, just because dingy motels, like the one they're in now, rarely wash the glass ones. Brandon gets annoyed, and is forced to pour his first glass down the drain, and picks up another one, this one plastic, and wrapped, and begins to pour his first drink again! Jake merely watches in humor as the two wrap up their night promoting Gang Rulz, and begin to prepare to head for Breakdown.

Jake Starr: In lieu of my opponent's most recent...

Jake lifts his hand to his ear, as if being told something.

Wait... What? He hasn't yet? Oh... Ok...

Well, let's try that again. In lieu of my opponent having retarded his mentality and actions back to before the last pay-per view, I have elected to take a more "constructive" approach to Exeter...

So here's the deal... I have tried, tried, and tried again to actually be able to physically sit through something Exeter puts out there, and I've come to the conclusion that, with the lack-luster, ill-conceived, and downright nonsensical garbage he calls "quality stuff," it's utterly impossible. So, to help hopefully remedy the situation, since his book he bought is seemingly not doing him any justice, I decided that I would dictate a "book," or outline, of what would help him truly be able to grasp the concept of doing something, well, GOOD!

Hmm it needs a name... It shall be called:

Smell of

... Catchy title if you ask me!

Lesson one... Be creative!

In sitting through, what seemed like COUNTLESS promos cut by Exeter, I began to notice a trend. While, some had a very odd sense of "focus" in them, for the most part they lacked anything I would actually call, well, original. He seemingly rehashed these dated ideas and tried to "gussy them up" to appear as if he came up with something all on his own.

Apparently, there are some who actually thought he was being creative and original. I guess that shows how dim-witted they are.

Now, my guess is, in his little "book of knowledge" that he keeps following VERBATIM, it probably tells him to come up with a broad idea, and try and improvise on it. It may even tell him to "make it his own." Unfortunately he flunks both of those directives.

His idea of "creativity" resides in these "tests" that he is being put through. My guess is this whole shtick he and Damian have going on is going to reach its apex with James becoming the new "evil one" of the pair, the new "chosen one."

Where have I seen this before? Ah yes... George Lucas called and he wants his storyline back. These two have rehashed the entire premise of Star Wars for their own "spin" on it.


The key here is to come up with something that hasn't been done before. Come up with something unique to the individuality of the person. Don't rely on watching movies with "stellar" prequels and then rename the participants, and just don't refer to the "Force."

Ugh... Angry!

Moving on...

Lesson two... Be relevant!

To me, this is probably the single EASIEST lesson to follow. At least, it should be. For James, however, this seems to be a little complicated. See relevance is something, I believe, James has his own, skewed, and ill-perceived view of. James sees everything he does as relevant... To what, I don't know!

He sees these inconsequential meetings with random people relevant to something someone else would actually give a rats ass about. He doesn't understand that this isn't something done to see if you can come up with these cookie-cutter scenarios, and play them out, and then try and BS your way through why they matter.

If Exeter wants everyone to be able to peer into his life, he needs to realize everyone can see through his nonsense, and his made up life he portrays.

It's also like this "bromance" he has going on with Damian Angel. How is that relevant to anything? I can understand that HE is relevant to our match, due to his unwarranted attacks, but how is their love affair relevant? It makes no sense!

Now that is the ultimate key to relevance, and I hope James caught it. You have to make sense. You can't go around just saying WHATEVER comes to mind. He needs to quit taking a dart, throwing it at a dart board of stories he's thrown out there on a whim, picking that to be the focus of his promo, and instead, be relevant, and make sense. Nobody follows his logic, nor do they even try.

So... Don't come up with random-ass BS that nobody gives a damn about, and actually, oh I don't know, have a point!

Lesson three... Be visible!

When it comes to actually coming up with that "stellar" promo, you know the one, the one that really hits your opponent square in the heart with jabs, you have to actually be seen to do it. It isn't something you can retreat into the shadows, and poke your head out of the ground when the coast is clear, like the gopher in Caddyshack.

It doesn't work that way.

See, when you hope to really drive a stake into your opponent's psyche and will, you can't just hope that everything you said in the past carries over. You can't sit back and think "You know, I've said it all already, so this time I'm going to sit back, let him talk, and in the end, my points will stick from way long ago."

Again, it just doesn't work!

This is especially the case when you're supposed to be THE "champion."

What Exeter SHOULD be doing, is coming out, in the open, rambling on and on about how he's already brushed me off on two different occasions. He should be hyping up the fact he is going to be taking down the elusive, and yet to be defeated when his belt is on the line, SCW Adrenaline Champion, Jake Starr.

Instead, he hides. He lurks. He keeps retooling everything he'll probably say, either before this airs, or after. He does everything he thinks he needs to do in order to, as he sees it, ensures the world that, not only, is he a better wrestler than me, but a better entertainer.

All I can say is, if he thinks that, he needs to actually show his face once in a while to prove it!

That brings us to our final lesson of the day...

Lesson four... Be interesting!

Now, lesson four is probably the one I hope Exeter takes into consideration the most. Arguably because, for one, it makes or breaks whether or not anyone can actually stomach listening to you and watching you, and for two, he has failed at it every time he has made an attempt at it.

See the key with this lesson is that you have to be able to persuade your viewers, listeners, readers, whatever, to remain enthralled with what it is that's going on. At one point in my career, I had issues with it. I will openly admit that. But what happened was, I realized it early enough to correct it.

I was a carbon copy of James Exeter. At first, everyone thought my sh!t didn't smell of anything but fresh linen and freshly cleansed vagina. I couldn't do anything wrong. Then I started to repeat myself, I started to rehash things that didn't apply anymore, or had already been done time and time again. I had to take a step back. I couldn't just come up with these repetitive situations that were, literally, spin-offs of the SAME THING!

Now I get to SCW, and Exeter is in that phase where he is beloved and worshiped by many. He has been revered as the "BEST OF THE BEST" that Supreme Championship Wrestling has to offer, and yet, he is slowly beginning that path down the road to repetitive, uninteresting, bland, boring, and inane situations.

So what is a man to do?!

Exeter needs to begin by having a point. He then can evolve that point into something that give people that feeling of "WOAH!! Right now, he's got people doubled-over, and watching their dinner turd-surf down a dark tunnel. I don't know why he hasn't spotted this sooner.

When he actually talks, and has the same side-effects of ipecac, it should trigger that thought in his brain saying, "HEY DUMMY YOU'RE UNENTERTAINING AND BORING! TRY AGAIN!" Inevitably, it'll take more than just me, someone who already knows better than him, to prove to him that he is completely lost when it comes to being interesting.

Now... With all that being said...

I definitely hope Exeter takes this all seriously. In time, I feel that if he begins to actually fix some of these issues, he might become someone who I, along with many others, take seriously as a champion, instead of looking upon him as a complete and total waste of time, a bore, a cure for insomnia, and a complete lack of sustainable talent.


Back to Role Play Archive | Home