Personal Bio Wrestler Bio
RP Archive Affiliates
Contact Me
Jake Starr: Welcome everyone to the word of the day. The word of the day is JUSTIFICATION, and how it relates to someone by the name of James Exeter...

To quote a famous movie... "There's a thing called TALENT... You don't have it!"

I must say, the feeble attempt of the "Champion" to do his best at unleashing an INTERESTING or POIGNANT verbal assault was quite amusing. I mean listen to him. He tries to actually make a case that I wasn't dicked over. More or less, it sounds as if he is simply trying to justify TO HIMSELF that he legitimately won. Instead of just saying "You know what, fine, you were attacked, I still won," he goes off about how he was attacked too, how he suffered like I did, blah blah blah. Instead of being a champion, and trying to legitimize his championship by saying he won because he was better, he simply has to resort to saying "You know, we were both attacked, and I got lucky."

I mean that is what he is saying.

Why else would he have to try and rationalize that the playing field was level the whole time? Why would he have to come out and argue that it was still a fair fight? It doesn't make sense! All I hear is someone having to completely justify everything they've done. Why? Oh yeah because nobody believes in the champion anymore. Nobody believes that James Exeter is worthy. He has to regurgitate everything in his past in order to try and ratify the fact he is lucky to even be champion anymore. He is doing everything in his power to HOPEFULLY get people to say "Hey, he really is a champion," instead of "Good lord, WHY is he the champion?"

I also find it entirely amusing that this "Champion" of ours seems to continually know more about me, than I do! I mean first off, I'm this "Evil Genius," controlling every string in SCW, and making sure every puppet out there moves in an exact time and place for my liking, and now I have diseases, that throughout my entire life, have gone unrecognized by clinical physicians across the country, and throughout the world. This guy is AMAZING! He is a SEER! He is... EXTRAORDINARY! It's either that, or he's a complete hack trying his damnedest to be entertaining, one of those, yet I haven't quite put my finger on which yet.

Another thing I am continuing to notice is his astute mastery of the English language. I mean listen to how many "big boy" words his writers are able to come up with for him... He uses words like "prattled," "antics," and "Tourrette's Syndrome." We all know this walking cloud of flatulence couldn't come up with that on his own. Seriously! He's a walking retard! How else do you explain his inane logic, and babbling nonsense? Along with that, he is like a broken record. Hasn't he said everything he said in this most recent diatribe before? Hasn't he already made those points? I think he has tried. It goes back to justification in his eyes. He feels that, by saying the SAME THING over, and over, and over, and over again, someone just might listen to him, and believe him. Otherwise he knows that everyone will continue to basically overlook him.

He wins, nobody cares anymore. He's been overshadowed. He can't stand it. He feels he should be the one every clamors about day-in and day-out. He can't STAND that someone else in SCW is getting HIS attention. He's a BABY! He has to stomp around, plead to the suits, plead to the rest of the locker room, and plead to anyone else who will actually LISTEN to him, to actually believe that he is this big and bad man who should be taken seriously. He has this "me me me" attitude that has run everyone away from even thinking he is worth the time, or effort for that matter, to put stock and faith into. It's sad to see that behavior coming out of a grown man...

But nevertheless, he continues on...

I had this distinct feeling that he wouldn't like being exposed for his complete ROOKIE and JUVENILE promo-cutting. And did anyone else notice how he was so quick to skip to the chapter on "What to do when you get called out?" It was quite entertaining, I guess. The first line HAD to have been, "When called out by an opponent regarding your promo-cutting skills, immediately turn it around and make it about them." He did SPECTACULAR on that one. Especially when he went into detail about how I do my work, and did it himself.

Did I write that book? Did I come up with the theories on what makes one wrestler more valid in this world over another? Because how can he actually come up with this theory on what I do, and then do it himself, and yet claim it isn't the "Good" thing to do? It's like... Oh wait...

It once again comes back to JUSTIFICATION!

James Exeter can't accept himself very well, can he? He needs to try and discredit someone else, and then he feels like he is then justified to do something the same way. Let's dealve into this a bit because, with a legitimate degree in Psychology, I have a little more credibility on how to spot things in other people... I mean, hell, he knows me better than me, why not play HIS game, because according to him, that's what is GOOD, versus what I do, which is BAD!

James is a guy who is very insecure in himself. He feels that he has done everything he can to be the best he can be, but nobody recognizes it. He feels that no matter what he does, in the eyes of others, he fails. He can't live with that. He can't live with being openly called out for his mishaps and missteps. It kills him inside. It kills him that he can't do things his way, and get the same praise he felt he deserved. He doesn't like being exposed, and he doesn't like being thrown under the bus.

His defense mechanism kicks in when this occurs. Instead of righting the problem permanently, he seeks a temporary fix to the situation. He hopes to repair the misconception about himself, and then slowly trail off back into his old ways. He is unable to accept that anyone views him in an unfavorable manner, no matter what he may say openly.

Deep down, he weeps constantly because nobody gives him the praise he desires. He feels that by criticizing those who are receiving what he views as, his praise, he'll eventually discredit them, bring them to his current level, and be able to emerge in a higher favorable viewing amongst everyone else.

Wow... Psycho-analyzing a retard can be difficult!

Once he realizes that he has already TARNISHED what was, once, good praise, he'll retreat and vanish. He won't show his face for a while. In fact, he may out-right retire or quit. He'll feel that everyone else is wrong, and he is the ONLY one who is right, and basically tell the world to "piss off."

Exeter knows this is ALL true.

The eleventh hour is here, and with that, comes the second chance for Jake Starr against James Exeter.

All eyes will be on the SCW ring at Breakdown. Since the fallout from Apocalypse, the infamous rematch has been something everyone expected to happen soon. Now that it is in everyone's sights, the anticipation builds.

Since Under Attack, the mudslinging has commenced in full-force between the two. Jake since the initial volley and Exeter quickly followed suit. Neither man, in his respective commentary directed at the other, has pulled a single punch. Both men have unleashed everything they can verbally, in hopes in casts those proverbial seeds of doubt within the minds of their opponent. If it has worked on their man, neither has given a clue to anyone publicly.

With the emergence of Brandon Evans in SCW, Jake's mentality has begun to shift. When he first returned to wrestling, after another failed "retirement," he spent much of his time purely preparing for his matches day after day. He spent countless hours in the ring preparing physically, and almost every hour of his time outside the ring preparing mentally. Now though, that is no longer the case. With Evans by his side, he knows he has accomplished part of his initial goals, which was to get the feeling he is fully BACK in the business. The second part of his goal lies at Breakdown, with James Exeter.

It will soon be time for the two superstars to begin their journey towards the Breakdown venue, but until then, they continue to relax at Jake's house in Des Moines, Iowa. Brandon has marveled in the fact that Iowa isn't as "third-world" as he had anticipated, and has realized that, aside from the frigid temperatures and no beaches, it has all the comforts of his home. As Jake and Roeper sit and watch television, Brandon strolls in from the hallway, having just awoken from his night of sleep.

Brandon Evans: Ahhhh!

Brandon stretches his arms out, and cracks his neck.

Brandon Evans: Good morning all!

Roeper Hart: Morning Brandon!

Brandon Evans: How did everyone sleep last night?

Jake looks up at Brandon awkwardly.

Jake Starr: Apparently not as good as you?

Brandon smiles.

Brandon Evans: I will say, I slept great!

Roeper Hart: Is that a coded message meaning I need to have the sheets and bed disinfected, and the incinerated?

Brandon Evans: No no!

Roeper takes a deep sigh of relief.

Brandon Evans: I took care of that business in the shower!

Jake looks down and shakes his head.

Jake Starr: So that means we need to replace the shower now!

Brandon Evans: No f_cker!

Jake Starr: Did you clean up it all up?

Brandon Evans: Yes!

Jake Starr: If I even find one crusty flake of jizzum in there, I'm going to treat you like a dog, and rub your nose in it!

Brandon Evans: You won't! Besides, most of it was probably on the bottom of my foot anyway...

Roeper Hart: How did you... You know I'm not even going to ask!

Jake Starr: Hell I will... How in the hell did you get your own spludge on the BOTTOM of your foot?

Brandon begins to grin, and lets out a little smirk.

Brandon Evans: You know... Funny story...

Jake Starr: Always a scary start to a story...

Brandon Evans: I was showering, and remembered the bikini girl from the beach. So I figured, why not rub one out?!

Roeper officially becomes disgusted.

Roeper Hart: That's it I'm going to the other room!

Roeper quickly stands up and dashes out of the room before she can even hear another word of Brandon's story. As she rounds the corner to head down the hallway, Brandon quickly tries to get her to hear him out.

Brandon Evans: C'mon Roeper it's a good story!!

Brandon takes a couple more moments to watch and see if she emerges, to listen to him finish is story. After he finally realizes that she isn't returning, he elects to just continue the story with Jake.

Brandon Evans: ... Anyway... So I decided, since I was already naked, I'd just do my business right then and there! I finish up, figure it has all rinsed away down the drain, turn the water off to dry off, apparently step in it, and slip and fall.

Jake begins to laugh.

Jake Starr: Seriously?

Brandon Evans: Yeah!

Jake Starr: So... What you're telling me is that the noises that I heard, that sounded like the mating call of a retarded baboon, was actually you?

Brandon Evans: Probably... Yeah... Although I didn't think it was that loud!

Jake Starr: Yeah... I just figured you were watching something I didn't want to know about, and that was you getting off!

Brandon Evans: Nope definitely wasn't that! But I am pretty sure I pulled a groin muscle.

Jake Starr: Did it feel so good, you pulled it again?

Jake begins to laugh sarcastically.


Brandon does not look amused by Jake's mocking of his mishap.

Brandon Evans: ... So you think Roeper will massage it?

Jake's sarcastic laugh immediately shifts to anger.

Jake Starr: NO! What in the HELL would make you think MY WIFE would touch YOUR GROIN?!

Brandon simply shrugs. Jake shakes his head in disgust.

Brandon Evans: Will you massage it?

Jake's head shoots up shocked at what Brandon asked. Brandon begins to laugh, and Jake realizes he completely deterred him from the anger he was feeling. Brandon finally walks over and sits down on the other side of Jake's couch. Jake still can't believe what he was asked.

Jake Starr: I honestly am beginning to question your heterosexuality.

Brandon chuckles.

Jake Starr: ... And I'm probably not the only one!

Brandon Evans: Why should I care about what anyone thinks? Seriously? You know better, I know, but why should I care about what anyone else thinks?

Jake Starr: I'm not saying you should! I'm just saying that some of the retards that sometimes surround us, and we may encounter in the future, may decide to try and say something about it!

Brandon Evans: All of the people who may come out and say something about it aren't comfortable in their own sexuality.

Jake gestures hinting that he has said similar things to what he's referring to.

Brandon Evans: You're a homophobe!

Jake Starr: Oh shut up!

Brandon Evans: Ha ha!

Jake just shakes his head. Brandon stands up and walks over to Jake's bar, and retrieves himself a drink.

Brandon Evans: ... Dude the difference is, you do it, and it legitimately pisses people off. It offends them to be called something along those lines. Hell, remember I am your "man crush" according to certain individuals. Instead of getting all fired up about it, whining, crying, pissing, and moaning, you simply threw it back at the guy. In the end, they're the ones who become embarrassed, not either of us!

Jake Starr: Yeah... True... I was also shocked to see him make any open comments about a "man crush..."

Brandon Evans: Oh?

Jake Starr: He's a card-carrying member of NAMBLA.

Brandon Evans: Really?!

Jake Starr: I swear! He did a PSA once!

Brandon Evans: Hmm... Shocking!

Jake Starr: Yeah... It might have been him and Porno Lad! Maybe not... All I know is the little one he was with resembled Macaulay Culkin, and they were loving on one another!

Brandon cringes.

Brandon Evans: Ew!

Jake Starr: Yeah... Kind of frightening! Damn kid-toucher should be arrested!

Brandon Evans: I agree!

The two give one another a high five.

Jake Starr: Ok... So... What lead us down the path of Exeter having relations with minors?

Brandon Evans: Umm...

Jake Starr: OH! I remember... You're gay!

Brandon Evans: Oh yeah! I mean no!

Jake points at Brandon and laughs.

Jake Starr: Ha ha!

Brandon Evans: F_ck you! Besides... Would Jesus HIMSELF come and visit a homo twice?

Jake begins to think.

Jake Starr: I suppose it would depend on what you believe!

Brandon Evans: What do you mean?

Jake Starr: Well... You have the "Religious Right," and the "Christian Coalition." These guys believe that if you don't live up to their personal moral code, you're going to hell, and Jebus isn't going to love you anymore. You're committing all of these sins that make you only deserving of dying a horrible death, and going to hell.

Brandon Evans: Yeah... I don't appreciate those people!

Jake Starr: Me neither! I don't feel their moral code applies to me, mainly because I'm not f_cking retarded like them. Personally, I think these religious zealots are complete dummies who simply fear everyone that isn't one of "their own."

Brandon Evans: It's like a cult!

Jake Starr: It is frighteningly like a cult! Personally I believe Jesus is a fellow, who, when we all get "upstairs" will look at each one of us, tell us what we did wrong, say something along the lines of "Shame on you... Don't do it again," and send us on our way with everyone else. If that weren't the case, Heaven would consist of about 8 people, and be pretty lame.

Brandon Evans: Phew! That is kind of a relief!

Jake Starr: What?

Brandon Evans: With all the sh!t I have pulled in my life, do you think I want those religious yahoos to be RIGHT?! If those cooks are right, I need to begin accruing "bonus points" to try and bribe my way in.

Jake Starr: Dude, if those people are right, everyone and their dog will be there!

Brandon sinks back down into Jake's couch, and begins to star off towards the sky.

Brandon Evans: I wonder why he visited me then...

Jake Starr: Has he said anything of any value?

Brandon Evans: Just stuff about my intentions being pure, and normal Jesus-y sh!t...

Jake Starr: ... Jesus-y sh!t?

Jake is amused by the way Brandon decides to phrase it.

Brandon Evans: Yeah... You know... Have pure intentions, you will be forgiven if you seek redemption, good things come in time, something about tomorrow and today being saved, I don't know, that Bible stuff!

Jake Starr: Hmm... Interesting. So you've been having impure intentions huh?

Brandon Evans: NO! All of my intentions are very pure. I purely intend to sleep with hot girls in Miami; I purely intend to whip any ass that comes my way...

Jake's face brightens up. He begins to smile, and Brandon begins to worry what thoughts and ideas have come into the head of his good friend.

Jake Starr: I've got it!

Brandon Evans: Oh no!

Jake Starr: It's almost like... It's almost like... Like the Lord hath entered my body and informed me of his desires!

Brandon Evans: .....

Jake Starr: YES! YES HE HAS!

Brandon Evans: WHAT... THE... F_CK?!

Jake continues to babble on, spouting inane references to the Bible, and claiming he has had the honor bestowed upon him to carry out the mission of the Lord and Savior himself.

Brandon is becoming more and more frightened.

Hearing the uproar from the other room, Roeper decides to take a chance, and find out what exactly is going on now. She comes around the corner and enters the entertainment room to hear her husband preaching, something he has never done before.

Jake Starr: ... And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy." And the Lord did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and large chu...

Brandon notices Roeper.


Roeper walks over to her husband, and smacks him upside the head. Jake looks over at her shocked, but silences his preaching. Jake continues to look like he has had a stroke of brilliance bestowed upon him.


Roeper Hart: Oh my God!

Jake walks over to Brandon and pushes his hand against his forehead. Brandon grabs Jakes wrists trying to pull it off, and Jake begins to shout out "healing words."

He pulls Brandon's head back and forth, jarring it in all directions.

His words slowly shift into mumbling and, in Biblical terms, he begins to speak in tongues. Roeper begins to get creeped out by her husband as he "heals" his friend. As Jake's "healing process" comes to a conclusion, he tosses Brandon backwards onto the couch.


Roeper gives Jake a look that conveys her creeped out feelings.

Roeper Hart: What... Was... That?

Jake Starr: What?

Roeper Hart: The whole healing thing?

Jake Starr: Oh! I just always wanted to do that, so I figured since Brandon is seeing Jesus everywhere, I'd just see if I could "heal" people like those people on TV!

Brandon slowly sits up, stretching his neck from side to side.

Brandon Evans: Holy crap! Now I know why every one of those people fall down when they get hands "placed upon them."

Roeper Hart: Why?

Brandon Evans: They feel a sense of paralysis from having their neck jarred around!

Jake Starr: So... Feel healed?

Brandon Evans: Sure? Well all except one thing...

Roeper Hart: What?

Brandon Evans: I feel like my asshole needs healing from being molested like that!

Roeper Hart: I'm sorry I asked!

Brandon stands up and continues to try and stretch his neck out. He walks off towards the guest bedroom to begin gathering up his things, so that they may begin their journey to Breakdown.

Roeper just looks at her husband, as he chuckles about the "healing" he put on his friend. He decides to head off to begin preparing to head for Breakdown as well, knowing that James Exeter lies around the corner for him, and is the only thing standing between him and his personal "Holy Grail."

Jake Starr: Now... Back to the point that someone other than me knows more about me than... Well... Me... I guess I just need to learn to accept that someone who OBVIOUSLY is more sophisticated and talented than I has told me things I would have never learned had he not graced my life with his presence. I would have never learned all of things about me, even though I've lived MY life for... Well... My whole life... Had it not been for James Exeter. He's such a good guy... Well when he's not trying to sound all big, tough, scary, important, smart, enlightening, intellectual, relevant, cocky, righteous, holier-than-thou, and don't forget, able to use a Roget's Thesaurus better than anyone!

Let's see... Ah yes, next chapter in his reading "Claim you've been doing it longer."

He doesn't need to do a lot of things to succeed, yet, he does it. I wonder why he dissects me, when he says he doesn't need to do so in order to be successful? I wonder why he over-analyzes everything I say in order to try and point out mistakes, when he says he doesn't have to?

Wait a minute..


For someone who has pointed the finger at me about "destroying my own validity," as he so eloquently put it, he does a damn good job of it as well. For everything he DOES NOT DO, he then turns around and does it. For everything I DO WRONG, he turns around and copies me. For everything HE DOES RIGHT, I've already done it. You know what that screams to me?


James Exeter is nothing more than a hypocrite. He hopes to dissect people in every aspect of what they do, who they do it with, why they do it, what they mean to do, et cetera. He then hopes to claim he doesn't do it, hoping people only remember the last thing he said, or the BUZZ WORDS he likes to emphasize when he spreads his labia lips open, and queefs out a promo that is full of inconsistencies. He hopes the world doesn't really listen to what he is saying, and just half-listens. If they half-listen, skim-through, fast forward, whatever, through his garbage, they'll only hear the bits and pieces that they may find relevant.

Unfortunately for him, I am not like that. He is right, I like to dissect my opposition. I like to point out their mistakes. I like to find where they are wrong. I like to find where they are completely ignorant in their beliefs. So yeah, that's who I am. He HATES it. He HATES knowing that he has to put himself out there, and he KNOWS I will break him down bit by bit. I do it for a reason. I do it to exploit him to the world. I do it to take his JUSTIFICATION, and throw it back in his face. And in the end... I do it better than ANYONE! Even the imitators like James Exeter!

Another thing I do better than him is humor. It's unfortunate his life and his promos are devoid of humor. Humor helps the world go round! Wait... I take that back... He does have two aspects of humor in his life. His wrestling ability and his sexual ability. Wrestling wise, how else could you explain being on such a losing streak in matches where your precious belt isn't on the line? How else could you explain not taking EVERYTHING as seriously as it deserves? You can't. Although he will try. He'll try to justify why he was beaten by one of the Misfits, and this week, it'll be the other.

Who would have thought? More justification coming from James Exeter.

Now as far as his lack of sexual prowess, which I hear is one reason he's seemingly ALONE and can't get his imaginary GODDESS, I would love to hear him justify that one!

OH and did anyone else notice how Brandon was no longer my "man crush" anymore? Maybe in one of the appendices of his book it said "When one of your points is completely destroyed, simply act like it never happened." Although I have to say... A sitcom with me and Brandon would be funny! Dude... It could be like a knock-off of the Gong Show! We could have Damian and James on, have them dress as the Ambiguously Gay Duo, and then try and be entertaining! It'd sure beat the crap we have to watch these two put us through now! I need to remember to thank him for that idea!

HEY I KNOW SARCASM TOO HA HA HA HA HA... Now insert an obnoxious laugh track here!

Ok ok ok... Now before I get into this next point, let me make sure to warn everyone listening, I'm going to be dissecting something James said, and proving him wrong. So if you're a fan, and don't want to hear your "hero" discredited, stop now!


When my "higher caliber" opponent first opened his mouth, after Under Attack, he made this big ordeal about how I was this mastermind of this elaborate plan. I heard it, Brandon heard it, someone James wishes liked him heard it, EVERYONE heard it! Yet now, he's the one who's been in charge! I can't keep up with his stories. One day I'm in charge, next day he is! Hey maybe tomorrow, we can have James's imaginary friend Harry the Hippo be in charge of this plan!

LOOK MORE SARCASM! Now throw in another irritating laugh track for him, just in case!

Since he's the director, and having seen his works, did he direct Gigli and Glitter too?

Sorry that wasn't sarcasm!

I want it to be clear, that my aspirations will not be futile! See, my opponent, who obviously has the same delusions as Evans believing he is God, believes he will NEVER lose his belt, and will be the champ FOREVER! WOO! Hooray for delusions of grandeur. I wish I could have some that were like that. Instead, I see reality. I see that James Exeter's days of being "da bomb" are over. He's lost his luster, and it's time for someone who doesn't suck at actually taking EVERYTHING seriously takes the reins. NOBODY remains champion FOREVER. NOBODY! You can't name ANYONE! No matter how long they may hold it, they eventually fall. James wishes he would be one of those who last a lifetime, or close to as long, being on top. Instead, he'll fall early, and often.

Good lord who writes James's stuff? And how much time do they spend looking for synonyms to help him sound smart? Even complete geniuses don't talk like he does sometimes. Good lord...

Finally let me make this abundantly clear. Exeter is on top for now, even though he prefers being on bottom. His days at the top have dwindled to hours, and it is my time to shine. I'm not delusional believing I'm going to be the "bestest" ever, but I do believe I am going to cement a legacy that will never be forgotten. THAT is my goal. THOSE are my desires. I dream to be the best I can be, and completely tear apart pieces of dog sh!t like Exeter.

No matter how much he tries to pick me apart, say what I do, dissect me, like he claims he doesn't, or verbally abuse me, he'll be the one whose head hangs low. He'll be the one whose days are over and he can run home to mommy crying. Oh boo hoo! He can run away and hide like he did leading up to Under Attack, this time, hopefully, never to return.

Now JUSTIFY that!


Back to Role Play Archive | Home