The two champions both know what is at stake in this match. Both know that a victory would help to prove one argument over the others. Either Exeter truly is superior to Starr, or Exeter is incapable of beating Jake one on one.

So the question is, which is right?

Unfortunately, it is an argument that time, alone, holds the answer to.

Both men want this victory over the other so badly they can almost feel it. Jake wants to become the future of Supreme Championship Wrestling, while Exeter represents a member of the "older guard" of SCW superstars. Jake also knows he can't afford another setback in his goal of becoming the superior champion on the SCW roster.

Until Breakdown, however, Jake is doing his best to keep his mind at ease. He has traveled with Brandon down to the warm beaches of Miami, Florida, and now has taken Brandon with him to his hometown of Des Moines, IA. The two hopped aboard a plane, and have just landed at Des Moines International Airport. With the weather cold and rather dreary, Evans isn't looking forward to the frigid temperatures he knows he will soon face.

Flight Attendant: ... Welcome everyone to the Des Moines International Airport! Please remain seated, with your seat belt fastened until we have arrived at the gate, and the captain has turned off the seat belt sign.

All of the passengers continue to remain seated, as the airplane taxis towards the gate. As the flight attendant continues to read her script, Jake, along with several others on board, quickly reaches for their cell phones. Once it's on, and receives a signal, he texts Roeper telling them the plane is on the ground, and to meet them at the baggage claim area.

Meanwhile, Brandon continues to stare out the window at the slushy precipitation. His hopes of El Nino coming and preventing the cold weather in Iowa has him rather saddened.

Brandon Evans: This sucks!

Jake Starr: Why?

Brandon Evans: It's f_cking cold and icy!

Jake Starr: Welcome to the Midwest!

Brandon continues sulking at the thought of being cold.

Brandon Evans: It's also shocking Des Moines has an "international" airport. Where "internationally" could they honestly have to fly?

Jake Starr: Canada...

Brandon Evans: Ah... Further north into the tundra!

Jake Starr: ... And Mexico too!

Brandon smiles at the thought of going to Mexico.

Brandon Evans: It's so much warmer there!

Jake Starr: And filthy too! And smelly! Down in Acuna it reeks of B.O.!

Brandon Evans: You sure it just wasn't you forgetting your deodorant again?

Jake Starr: Positive!

The flight attendant receives a weather update from the air-traffic tower.

Flight Attendant: Ladies and gentlemen, the current weather here in Des Moines is 37 degrees Fahrenheit, roughly 3 degrees Celsius...

Brandon Evans: Sweet Jesus!

Jake looks over at his friend confused.

Jake Starr: You ok?

Brandon Evans: 37 degrees?!

Jake Starr: Yeah...

Brandon Evans: My nipples will fall off in that kind of weather! I can already feel the icicles accumulating on the tips!

Jake Starr: Then you probably shouldn't have entered a wet t-shirt contest outside the Miami Airport!

Brandon glares at Jake. Jake tries to contain his laughter.

Jake Starr: You'll be fine! Hell, the worse thing that could happen is you end up looking like Sanka Coffie when we walk outside. Only difference is... You're pasty white!

Brandon Evans: I couldn't fit in my luggage like he did if I tried!

Jake Starr: And thankfully you don't carry an egg in your pants for good luck!

Brandon Evans: ... That you know of!

The plane finally reaches the gate. A ding echoes through the cabin, and the seat belt sign shuts off.

The bulk of the passengers on the plane begin to hop out of their seats and scramble to get their carry-on luggage from the overhead bins, and jump in line to disembark the aircraft. After the initial surge of chaos, Jake finally rises up from his aisle seat to grab the two bags from above their seats.

Brandon doesn't budge. Instead he continues to stare out the window, dreading walking out into the cold.

Jake reaches and snags Brandon's bag first and lowers it down to him. Brandon quickly snatches it from Jake's hands, and clutches it tightly to his chest. Even though the temperature on the plane hasn't changed, Brandon begins to shiver, much to the humor of Jake.

Jake grabs his bag and sets it in his seat, while he begins to look for a break in the sea of over-achievers, trying to be the first and quickest off the flight. He looks back at Brandon, who still sits shivering and staring.

Jake Starr: Dude... Get up!

Brandon simply shakes his head.

Jake Starr: Hey stupid get up!

Again Brandon refuses. Jake begins to get a bit annoyed.

Jake Starr: Why won't you get up?

Brandon Evans: Cold outside! Warm inside! No move!

Jake tilts his head at his friend.

Jake Starr: Did you just time warp back to the Stone Age with that sentence? Wow! Who would have thought that a mere climate change was the key to time travel.

Brandon finally succumbs to the notion he has to leave the plane. He reaches into the seat-back pocket in front of him, and pulls out his iPod and PSP. He unzips his carry-on to put them in. While his bag is open, Jake happens to glance down and see the head of a large black dildo protruding from Brandon's bag.

Jake Starr: Dude! What the f_ck is that?

Brandon looks up at Jake, initially confused. He then looks back down at his bag to see what Jake is talking about. Instead of covering it, and dealing with it later, he pulls the large, veiny, black, dildo out of his bag.

Brandon Evans: What? This?

Several people surrounding the pair become appalled at the sight as Brandon waves it around. The commotion catches the attention of other passengers who begin to look to see what is causing the uproar. As they begin to see the dildo, they too become shocked and appalled.

Brandon Evans: Don't worry everyone! This isn't mine! It's his!

Brandon points the dildo, like a finger, at Jake, implicating him as the owner. Jake's eyes get wide in disbelief. Jake quickly grabs the rubbery appendage from the hands of his friend, and smacks him across the face with it.

As the phallic instrument hits his face, Brandon's eyes widen in shock.

Brandon Evans: DUDE! WHAT... THE... F_CK?!

Jake Starr: Why did you bring this?!

Brandon Evans: I figured it would have been a great conversation piece!

Jake Starr: A what?!

Brandon Evans: I'm sure people would love the story about it! Besides, if there was ever a situation where anyone felt uneasy, they could just pull this out and everything that was troubling before would be completely forgotten!

Jake Starr: ... I guess!

The line begins to move to get off of the plane. Brandon quickly stuffs the marital aide back into his bag, and zips it up. The two get into the line, and begin to migrate towards the exit. Many of the people surrounding the pair, saw the incident with the dildo, and have a noticeable distance between them and the respective members of the Social Misfits.

The two reach the door of the plane, and step out onto the jet bridge. Jake merely walks off, and ahead up the ramp. Brandon, however, is hit by the cold air violent.

Brandon Evans: JESUS CHRIST!

Jake pauses, looks back at his comrade who has begun to virtually run up the jet bridge to get to the main concourse, and back into warm air. Jake laughs, and slowly follows up behind.

As Jake reaches the concourse, Brandon is slowly warming up. The two begin looking for one of the signs signaling the direction to the baggage claim.

Jake Starr: I always get turned around in this place...

Brandon Evans: Why? It's not THAT big!

Jake Starr: Oh shut up!

Jake finally finds one of the signs, and points in the direction they are to go. They begin to weave their way through a sea of people, going both directions, on their way to pick up their luggage.

Jake Starr: Ok... So I have to ask WHY you brought that!

Brandon Evans: Like I said... Conversation piece! Don't you think those people are going to be talking about that incident for a while?

Jake Starr: Let's just say it doesn't put us in the highest of regards!

Brandon Evans: So what! It's more fun making others uncomfortable!

Jake Starr: ... Yeah sometimes!

Brandon Evans: Besides... Going through security with that GUARANTEED nobody would search me. You think some big, burly, gentlemen is going to want to pat down a guy who has a gargantuan penis in their backpack?

Jake Starr: I wouldn't!

Brandon Evans: EXACTLY! Besides, it belongs to you anyway!

Jake Starr: No remember... It belongs to CHBK! He happened to leave it behind that day we shot.

Brandon Evans: Ah yes!

The two reach the escalator descending into the baggage claim area. As they slowly descend, Roeper sees her husband and friend and begins to approach them both. She quickly embraces her husband, and gives him a kiss. She then turns to Brandon, and hugs him.

Roeper Hart: So... Did the tranny get to give you the happy ending you ordered?

Jake begins laughing at the unexpected jab. Brandon becomes furious that she knows about what happened at the massage parlor, to which Jake explains that she had called on the phone while it was occurring, and she's the one who told him to alert him before any "endings" could occur.

As this is going on, a group of airport security guards approach the trio. Jake quickly begins to calm himself down realizing the guards are coming to speak with them. Once the team of guards arrive, they surround the three, and one steps forward as the unofficial spokesperson.

Security Guard: We received reports that you two were involved on a disturbance on an aircraft that just landed...

Roeper is shocked to hear what the guards have to say. She quickly looks at the pair with a scolding look. Jake quickly decides to explain what happened.

Jake Starr: He did it!

Brandon looks over at Jake in shock. Instead of chastising the SCW Adrenaline Champion, Brandon decides to reenact the events.

Brandon Evans: Ok here's what happened... I whipped this out...

Brandon reaches into his backpack, and pulls the meat sword out once again. Roeper is in complete shock. She quickly asks Brandon where he got that, to which Brandon quickly replies that it was obtained from one of Jake's skits. Roeper's eyes close and she begins to shake her head.

Brandon Evans: I thought it'd be funny!

Security Guard: Sir... I am going to ask you to please put that away. We will also have to ask you to refrain from carrying that on board ANY aircraft EVER again. If you attempt to do so, you will be detained, and the item will be confiscated and not returned.

Brandon Evans: Damn! Really?

Security Guard: Yes sir!

Brandon Evans: Well hell... Here hold this for a sec...

Brandon slaps the dildo into the security guard's hand, much to his chagrin. Brandon begins to fumble with his backpack, and without any hesitation, the three of them immediately break through the barricade of guards and walk away. They quickly find their luggage, grab it, and turn around only to see the guards slowly coming at them, "item" still in hand.

Jake looks at his wife, inquiring where she parked, and the three make a "b-line" in that direction, leaving the guards in their wake, and dildo in hand.

The guards chase the trio out to the parking garage, hoping to not be left with a sex toy that they are unaware of the history of. Jake, Roeper, and Brandon reach the car, and dive into it, and are able to speed off before the guards can catch up, and return the toy.

As the car speeds away, Brandon pokes his head up out of the back seat to see the guards still running after them, and slowly vanishing around a corner of the parking garage. Before the can escape there is a thud on the trunk, and Brandon says that the guards somehow were able to hit the car with the rubber penis, and ricochet it out into oncoming traffic. The flying dildo causes cars to slam on their brakes, and a couple of rear end collisions, due to the braking and swerving.

The sight alone makes all three members of the Social Misfits laugh, as they slowly drive around the appendage lying in the middle of the road.

Jake Starr: Surprise surprise! Who would have ever thought that the CHAMP would have come out of the shadows for a match when his belt is on the line? And on top of that, he came out of the gate quickly. Seems like this little filly is out to make a statement to those who doubt the validity of his championship capabilities. It's too bad this isn't the match to try and instill that proof.

You see, Exeter coming out of the closet...

SHADOWS! I'm sorry I meant shadows. Coming out of the closet is something he needs to talk about on his own. It's not "Out Your Friends Wednesday" anymore, so I'll leave that up to him.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. Coming out of the gate this early just helps reiterate the fact that he only shows up for one type of match. This won't silence those critics. This won't shut up those who doubt his validity as a champion.

I can read his actions like a book. He is desperately wanting people to believe he's the real deal. He's desperately hoping that by not waiting until Breakdown to show up, he'll stop the constant criticism. Unfortunately he is in for a world of hurt. When he returns to civilization from his little fairy tale land, that he's continually living in, he's going to have those voices right there. They'll be calling him out day-in and day-out, like they already are. They'll be still there, both in reality, and in his head. They'll be calling him out. He knows, whether he admits it or not, they're right, and they've always been right.

Now... Exeter seemingly went down a typical route for him, when he actually does get ballsy enough to show up for a match. He went down the safe and EASY route. He didn't decide to say anything real... Oh what's the word... Poignant? Yeah... That's the word!

First off, he decided to try and make some case about using Porno Lad as a condom? I understand that the little fellow resembles a magnified sperm cell, but he wasn't part of some "master plan" that he has conjured up in his head. Quite frankly his whole contrived notion of this proposed "master plan" is quite, fantastic. I mean the whole argument that I had my finger on the pulse of this "master plan" is insane. Exeter is living in a fantasy world. It's a world where bunnies walk upright, fire and brimstone raining down, rivers boiling, human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, MASS HYSTERIA!

Ok sorry... Had a flashback to my dreams that I was in the movie Ghostbusters. But you get the point.

See in this fantasy world of his, his own "views" don't even match the REALITY of how things happened. Listen to his own words... "I told Damian Angel and Autumn Daniels to leave the arena before my match..." Now, I know he and Angel have this fantasy "talent pool" they're drawing from in order to be successful, or at least try to be, but was James so lost at Under Attack when it came to Katie that he didn't even know that Damian was at the arena, and just completely incapacitated to where he COULDN'T come to the ring? Damian was attacked yet, he was "gone from the arena." To me, that's definitely a Dr. Seuss-like world he's living in.

The whole time he was trying his best to prove that I was some grand "mastermind" behind this plot, all he's doing is saying he knew this was going to happen, that was going to happen, then this, oh and then finally that. Quite frankly, wouldn't that make HIM the "mastermind," the proverbial "evil genius?"

He also feels the need to insult Brandon. Truthfully, who didn't see that coming. A faction comes into a wrestling organization, so when you fight one, you insult them both. It's almost like a cookie-cutter promo. Did he run out and buy "Cutting A Wrestling Promo For Dummies" book? Did he make sure he followed the formula perfectly? If he did, he would have realized that somewhere in that book it states that, if you lose to someone, especially someone who is buddies with the guy you're against, you don't really have much room to talk trash about them anymore. So, he needs to remember that my little "man crush," as he so eloquently referred to him as, beat his ass a couple of weeks ago. No fairy tale world in that FACT!

Now, the good thing in all of his little inane horse sh!t, was the fact he did admit one fact. He couldn't have done it without me. I do hope Katie heard that, and takes some solace in knowing she would have won had her little "Brat Pack" not decided to stack the odds.

Then he goes back into his rabbit hole, and talks about the fantasy "plan" that is against him. Wow... Yet he didn't go to a psychic, didn't grab a Ouija board, and didn't read it in the horoscope section. Did he buy some webspace and make his own version of Wikipedia and fill it with these fallacies?

No... Sadly he didn't try his hand at being a webmaster. "Webmaster-bater" to child porn, yeah, but simple "webmaster," no. Instead he attributed his vast knowledge of nothing to the fact he knows me better than me. Umm... Ok? In all honesty how is that even possible? How can one person know another better than that person? I know that should someone suffer from a psychological disorder, a licensed professional could have more INSIGHT to the reasoning behind a person's actions, but never once would someone claim to "know more about someone" than that person. To that, I realize more and more he knows NOTHING about me, and simply hopes by flapping his vagina mouth, he'll trick someone into believing him.

Apparently, the "all-knowing," himself, also knows that I have a lot of self doubt. Just a question for anyone out there to answer, does anyone think my cocky ass has any doubt in my capabilities? Seriously? Yeah I got pinned by James Exeter. That is supposed to make me doubt what I can do? Doesn't he realize that he didn't do it alone? He didn't SINGLE HANDEDLY beat me? Why would there be an OUNCE of self doubt in someone who knows they didn't lose to someone because they were legitimately better? I thought this fool "knew me?"

The fact that I was able to capture TWO title shots, simply shows that I'm not willing to let any chances pass me by. It's not called being doubtful. It's called being smart. If Exeter sees it as doubt, it would be another explanation of his complete lack of intelligence. He needs to realize hindsight is always 20/20. Fact of the matter is, I have two. If I had lost and he lost I would have had zero. If a meteor had hit Earth, I would have had zero. If my parents didn't f_ck that night and conceive me, I'd have zero. But I don't... I have two... And I'm going to make sure I get the belt now at Breakdown, and hold the second in my back pocket as an insurance policy!

But, for the shear enjoyment of, well, pointing out his mental retardation, I would like to follow his logic here. Let's play "Flip the Roles," why don't we? According to the logical track of, one, James Exeter, he is suggesting that had I been the champion, and he been the seeker, he would NOT have wanted two title matches. He would have just wanted one. You know what that logic tells me? It tells me Exeter is fine with a world of mediocrity. He doesn't have the drive to be great. He doesn't have the drive to make sure he has EVERY opportunity to achieve greatness. I would say that is concrete proof, right there, that the criticism of Exeter is valid. He only shows up when he wants, and won't go out of his way to do it any other time.

It is an odd feeling having someone tell you about your past, which you lived, and yet they know more about. The only sleepless nights I've had recently were when my wife was feeling frisky, and wanted to pull an all-nighter. Exeter knows about those doesn't he? When Damian creeps into his bed at night, whispers a sweet-nothing into his waxy ear canal, occasionally Q-Tip's it out, and then the two of them go balls to the wall, or taint in their case, on one another... Yeah those nights! Those are my only sleepless ones. I don't dream about James Exeter. That's just... Just... Creepy!

Another thing that really kind of threw me off, is that he actually WANTED me inside a steel cage. Who honestly would want ME inside of a cage? And to top it off, why should THAT be the night has to prove that he is better? Wait... Didn't he say he did that already? Is he contradicting himself again? Nevertheless... If he actually had an inkling of a belief he could do that, why wait until now? Why not do it the first time? OH THAT'S RIGHT! Because he can't. He can't do anything on his own.

Damn contradicting, bipolar, schizophrenic, douche!

If Gang Rulz rolls around, and I have to use my second match, then so be it. If not, realize that it will be able to remain in my back pocket for a long time. James said it himself the first time we fought... The champion has that proverbial GUARANTEED REMATCH CLAUSE. See... When I win at Breakdown, I, in essence, still have TWO title shots. I have my guaranteed rematch, which he is already planning on preparing to use, and then I have my victory in the chamber. It's a PERFECT STORM for Jake Starr.

Before I wrap everything up... I need to have a serious moment. A moment where Exeter knows, my feelings were hurt. I... Throughout my entire career, I've been called many things. I've been called an asshole, a degenerate, a douche, a douche bag, a liar, a cancer to an organization, a misfit, and several other things. But never once, have I heard such a rude name be bestowed upon me as Exeter did. He called me a ROACH! HOW DARE YOU?! At least give me the credit and call me a "joint" or something. Why just the "butt" of the joint?

Better yet... Come up with something more "your age." You know... Outside of fifth grade science... Call me something with some meaning to it!

Another random thing I have noticed about this cuckold... He uses the phrase "as I said" every other sentence. Coming from a broadcast world, I know about the use of a "crutch," and damn does he ever have one!

Exeter's little mental unrest has him believing his own hype, again. He thinks of himself as someone who is so "worth my time" outside of the ring, that should he win, he's going to be "singing in my head" up until Gang Rulz. I hate to break it to him, he's about as "memorable" as the sh!ts I take in the morning. I forget about them by lunch. He's just not worth remembering outside of this business.

Finally, after listening to "Captain Doom & Gloom" yammer on for however long it was, I realize he is basing everything on assumptions. Everything out there is assuming. None if it has any base of fact backing it up. It's all a complete work of fiction in the mind of James Exeter.

Just like this Goddess of his... What the hell was that whole thing about? If he's going to make some random reference to someone, and it have any sticking power, he may want to give some idea about WHO this person is...

Also... I won't lie... I was kind of expecting him to skip a few chapters and say something like "I'm going to beat you up morer than you can beat me up because I am betterer than you!" Or something mundane and generic like that... Oh wait he did... It's called every word that came out of his mouth!

Oh and it's roughly, oh I don't know... Lunch time now? Figured the whole timestamp thing was "in" so I'd follow the "in" crowd!

Back to Role Play Archive | Home