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Jake Starr's record, 1-0. Jake Stars's popularity, rising. These two statements are truthful statements that there is a current power shift in the works of ACW. Before Jake Starr, Rob Hardy was the dominant force, loved by the fans, and challenged by few. Now his popularity has begun a steep decline into oblivion. Rob Hardy has been quoted as saying he feels like he is about to be back on his own again. The loss to Jake Starr last Monday on Mayhem was not a helpful occurrence for Hardy either. That loss has dramatically changed how the fans view Hardy. President and CEO Johnny Hayes elected to make a new match, rather than what the fans wanted. The fans wanted to see Rob Hardy defend his Stars and Stripes Championship against Jake Starr. The die-hard Rob Hardy fans assumed that this motivation would help propel Hardy to a victory. Those who, now oppose Hardy assumed that it would be the inevitable. They also believed that it would also be the end of the Rob Hardy reign as champion. Instead, Johnny Hayes elected to make an eight man tag-team match. On one side will be the team of Rob Hardy, Mr. WS, Runexten, and Krazzy Kidd. On the other side will be Kold Killa, Pillbrain, Bane, and ACW rookie, Jake Starr. Johnny Hayes believed that this match could be the deciding factor on whether or not Jake Starr is deserving of that shot. It, at the same time, would help to aide in current fueds that are happening in the company. Regardless... Many fans are upset. Will the match itself be enough to make the fans happy?

The camera fades in outside of a house in rural Los Angeles. A beautiful, blue, 2004 model, Cadillac Escalade EXT, pulls up in front of the house. Out from the drivers side steps Jake Starr. As Jake begins his walk up the sidewalk, towards the front porch, the camera quickly follows. Jake walks up the steps of the front porch and rings the doorbell. The camera hears the latches being unlocked, and the knob turning. As the door slowly opens, Bane's face is seen on the inside. Jake walks in the front door. He is carrying a VHS cassette tape and as they walk into the den area, Jake sets it up on top of the VCR. Bane asks if Jake would like a drink, Jake quickly agrees. Bane goes into the bar area and brings back two drinks. Bane is drinking straight Jim Beam Whisky, while Jake Starr is enjoying himself a Crown Royal and Coca-Cola beverage. Both men finish off their drinks and set the glasses down on the table. Bane initiates the opening conversation between the two.

Bane: Now Shawn said he didn't care if we hung out here?

Jake Starr: Nah he didn't mind. He and his wife are on vacation. They figure after the grueling schedule with PRIME, they both needed a break.

Bane: Cool!

Jake Starr: Yeah... So what's been happening around here?

Bane: Honestly... Several promos have been cut since Monday.

Jake Starr: You're kidding?

Bane: Nope... Hardy's done two...

Jake Starr: Talk about an overachiever... You know I bet he thinks that the more promos he cuts, the more intelligent he'll sound...

Bane: Well we all know that God himself wouldn't be able to make Rob Hardy sound intelligent. Anyway, Krazzy Kidd has cut two as well.

Jake Starr: And let me guess... He continues to have a boner about Kold Killa...

Bane: How'd you ever guess?

Jake Starr: Stroke of luck I tell you!

Bane: Anyway... Mr. WS cut a rather interesting promo. Not one I'm usually used to seeing.

Jake Starr: And why is that?

Bane: Reminded me of "Ernest Goes to Camp".

Jake Starr: Ok now that's just flat out sad!

Bane: Oh just wait until you see it. You'll think it's even sadder!

Jake Starr: I can't wait... Hence my sarcasm!

Bane: You are a master of that I will say!

Jake Starr: Oh I know... Anyway who else?

Bane: Well both Pillbrain and Kold Killa have cut one. Actually I think Kold Killa may have done two...

Jake Starr: More overachievers eh?

Bane: Sounds like it...

Upon the mentioning of their two partners, Jake Starr takes it upon himself to comment on them.

Jake Starr: I swear... Johnny Hayes is out to pair us with two of the most irrelevant people out there...

Bane: Yeah... But I guess if he has to figure out a way to keep you from fighting Hardy again, one-on-one, this was a creative idea. Just throw a group of people, who all have their own random feuds going, together inside of a ring, in one match, and there you have it. Cluster f_ck city!

Jake Starr: Needless to say I'm not over thrilled.

Bane: I wouldn't blame you!

Jake Starr: I beat Hardy's @$$... I pinned him... I won! How is that not grounds for a Stars and Stripes Title shot?

Bane: I can honestly say I've seen people get a shot for less!

Jake Starr: Oh well... Hopefully another victory over his pathetic carcass will make Johnny Hayes realize I am deserving...

Bane: And hopefully it'll continue to ruin Rob Hardy's popularity!

Jake Starr: It's already ruined my brother!

Bane: I did hear a much different reaction when he came out on Monday.

Jake Starr: He was so pissed off!

Bane: Just wait until you hear his promos. It shows how bad it is effecting him.

Jake Starr: Good! That's what I like hearing.

Bane: His train of thought is slowly going from incoherent, to just plain psychotic.

Jake Starr: Good thing I have a degree in Psychology... I can decipher whatever it may be he is trying to convey in his message.

Bane: Sometimes I wonder if we really WANT to know what message he's trying to convey.

Jake Starr: Good point!

Bane: So you ready to watch some promos?

Jake Starr: Oh sure... Why the hell not?!

Bane presses play on the VCR and turns the television on. Krazzy Kidd's first promo is shown. Jake sits back and the look of confusion on his face is obvious. As the promo concludes, Bane hits the pause button.

Jake Starr: Talk about having some sort of boner for Kold Killa. The guy wants Kold Killa so bad.

Bane: Yeah... I question whether or not he wants him in a heterosexual or homosexual kind of way.

Jake Starr: Yeah... Don't we all...

Bane: Ok next up we have Rob Hardy's first promo.

Jake Starr: Good... I'm ready...

Bane: Well don't get too excited... It's kind of drab and bland.

Jake Starr: Aren't they always from him?

Bane presses play again and the two focus in on Rob Hardy. The words "what the f_ck" are read off of the lips of Jake Starr. Another confused look goes across his face. As Rob Hardy finishes his comments with the phrase "So f_ck Kold Killa, and f_ck Jake Starr. I'm outtie.", Bane pauses the tape again.

Jake Starr: Yeah... Bland and drab!

Bane: Told you!

Jake Starr: What was the underlying point of that one?

Bane: I don't know... You're the one with the Psychology Degree remember?

Jake Starr: It's like... You just want to look at that whole promo and respond simply with... "DUH!"

Bane: It's like he went off on what everyone already knew.

Jake Starr: I don't know... He's slowly entering the realm of utterly pathetic if you ask me.

Bane: You haven't had to deal with him as long as me. He's been in that realm!

Jake Starr: Why am I not surprised? So who's next?

Bane: I believe it's Kold Killa actually...

Jake Starr: Goodie goodie!

Kold Killa's promo is played. Jake Starr's eyes get wide, as if he is shocked. Jake watches intently. This time he doesn't react with a confused look. He reacts with a subtle head nodding motion. Bane, once again, pauses the tape and awaits any comments from Jake.

Jake Starr: I don't know why... But I'm almost impressed with that.

Bane: My reactions exactly... Here's Pillbrain's promo...

Pillbrain's promo plays over the television as both men watch. Again Jake gets a surprised look on his face. Bane pauses the video.

Jake Starr: Again... Impressive!

Bane: Yeah...

Jake Starr: I'm not fans of these two but... I guess they know how to cut a decent promo.

Bane: Yeah, for the most part.

Jake Starr: Not as good as us of course...

Bane: Well of course...

Jake Starr: Ok NEXT!

Bane: Krazzy Kidd... Round two!

Jake Starr: And the crowd rejoices...

Krazzy Kidd's second promo is shown... About halfway through Jake interrupts the promo.

Jake Starr: Oh damn just fast forward through this whining sh!t! This is crap! He has a f_cking boner for Kold Killa. It's like he took a Viagra and wants to use his 4 hour erection to bone Kold Killa... Agh! Just... Next!

Bane: This is Mr. WS... Remember... Not "Weenie Sucker"...

Jake Starr: Ahh... Yes... Right... "Ernest Goes to Camp"...!

Mr. WS's, rather uncharacteristic, promo is shown. Jake sits with a confused look on his face. It almost resembles a look of disgust. As the promo ends, Bane pauses.

Jake Starr: What in the hell was that crap?!

Bane: That's what I said!

Jake Starr: That was pathetic... "Know what I mean Vern?"

Bane: Well we have one more... And it's Rob Hardy... Round two!

Jake Starr: Is this one better than the first? Or will this one waste precious moments off of my life as well?

Bane: Oh it doesn't have the whole obviousness to it...

Jake Starr: Oh good!

Bane hits play one more time to play Rob Hardy's final promo. Instead of a look of almost virtual disgust like the first time, this time Jake shows keen interest. He focuses heavily on every aspect of the promo. As the video ends, Bane walks up to the television and switches it off. He ejects the tape and sets it down along side the television. He walks back over to his younger brother and awaits his thoughts.

Jake Starr: I guess I can say that, that was indeed typical Rob Hardy. Smoking weed and poles all in one failed swoop.

Bane: That is true.

Jake Starr: Isn't it amazing how drugs can obscure your reality.

Bane: Yeah... I continue to be amazed at that.

Jake Starr: I guess it is just my job to bring him back down to Earth...

Bane: And pray he lands with a tremendous thud!

Jake Starr: I hear you!

Bane: I just can't believe you didn't get your shot this week...

Jake Starr: Oh well... By the sounds of things, Hardy wants to lose his belt in a very "hardcore" fashion.

Bane: And by "hardcore" you mean?

Jake Starr: Not in a sexual way... But in a severe beating kind of way!

Bane: I gotcha... So... You going to cut a promo anytime soon?

Jake Starr: Oh yeah... I plan on it!

Bane: Good!

Jake lines himself up with the camera. The camera prepares to hear his thoughts about his match. As Jake sets himself up to deliver his thoughts, the camera positions itself properly, and Jake begins to speak out about his upcoming match on Monday Mayhem.

Jake Starr: It seems that the fearless leader of ACW has decided to make a little match. He decided that it would be clever to put Bane and I with two "works of art," against Rob Hardy, Mr. WS, Krazzy Kidd, and Runexten. Ok I am not seeing the logic here buddy boy! I mean seriously Johnny... Are you just that scared to have me become the Stars and Stripes Champion? Are you, in a sense, trying to cock-block me here? If you are... It'll be one of the last things you ever do on this planet we call Earth. I proved to the world that Rob Hardy is nothing more than an overrated piece of monkey's sh!t. And yet... You can't grow the balls to stick him one on one with me for that piece of tin he carries around? What's wrong with you? Oh I know... You're scared... Plain and simple. I don't even know why I presented it as a QUESTION in the first place. It's a simple fact! So you decide to try and get my mind off of Rob Hardy by sticking Bane and I with the "Luke Warm Assassin" and "Peabrain"? In the words of The Hurricane... "What's Up Wit Dat?!" Is this some feeble attempt at trying to already get rid of me? Johnny get it through that dense ocean of fluid surrounding your microscopic excuse for a brain... I'm the new franchise of ACW. I'm what the future holds for this company. Whether you like it or not. You can throw whatever pieces of trash my way you want... Because it is inevitable that I will capture the top honor in ACW. Along side my brother Bane, I will ascend through the rankings of ACW, demolishing anyone, and anything, that gets in my path, and I WILL get that piece of metal around my waist. I don't care what it takes, because it WILL happen. It WILL come to pass when I become the "top dog," "big cheese," and the "head honcho" of ACW. Nobody will interfere with that. And I damn well mean NOBODY!

Jake shifts gears and begins to speak out towards one of his opponents, Rob Hardy.

Jake Starr: Now to pick apart the opponents that I'm being dealt in this match... First off we have the illustrious, Rob Hardy. The man whom I've already proved that I can defeat with ease. Also the man who has already impressed me by cutting TWO promos. Talk about your overachiever there. Maybe he assumes that the more he flaps his gums, and smokes his pot, the better off he'll be. HA! Fat chance! Hardy I want you to do your best, although that isn't much, to think back to last Monday. Think about what happened when you faced me in the ring... Wait a minute... Who am I kidding?! You can't even remember how much the guy paid you last night to suck his d!ck, let alone our match last Monday. Well let me give you a brief recap, shall I? I shall! You walked into the arena thinking your sh!t didn't have a foul smell on it. You thought you were the Stars and Stripes Champion... And that made you the immovable object. It made you the "heavy favorite" in the match. And what happened? You were handed the most embarrassing defeat in your career. Why was it the most embarrassing? Because you lost to a man whom you "knew" you would beat. You lost to a man who, quite frankly, proved to the world that you're nothing more than a CHUMP! That my friend... Is why you suffered that EMBARASSING loss. You tried your damnedest to make me look bad... You tried to mock me by saying I put you to sleep... Well what happened when you entered that ring? Your beliefs, thoughts, dreams, aspirations, everything was shattered, because I pinned your @$$ in the middle of the ring in which you thought you were the king of. To quote Ric Flair... "To be the man, WHOOOO, you got to beat the man!"... And son... In the ACW many see you as "the man"... So I beat the man plain and simple. This Monday... I'll do it again... THEN everyone will understand you're worthless.

As he finishes his opening thoughts towards Rob Hardy, Jake quickly slaps his forehead as if he just remembered something.

Jake Starr: Holy sh!t!

Bane: What bro?

Jake Starr: I almost forgot!

Bane: Forgot? Forgot what?

Jake Starr: Dude you're going to laugh your @$$ off when you see this!

Bane cocks both eyebrows, not knowing what Jake Starr is alluding to.

Bane: Bro... What in the hell are you talking about?

Jake Starr: Well let's just say I went up to a local television studio today.

Bane: Ok and...?

Jake Starr: And I shot myself a little talk show!

Bane: Again I say... And...?

Jake Starr: And believe me... It was time well spent!

Jake walks over to the television where the VCR, DVD player, and video game consoles are in plain sight. Jake grabs a VHS tape from on top of the VCR, and inserts it into the player. He presses the rewind button and the tape begins to rewind. Jake rushes back over to his brother, and the two take their seats in front of the television. Both men recline back, and Jake becomes eager for the tape to finish rewinding. Jake's enthusiasm completely bewilders his older brother.

Bane: You know... I don't think I have ever seen you this happy. It's almost frightening.

Jake Starr: Well I know how dark and dismal you can get at times...

Bane: Yeah and...?

Jake Starr: You love that phrase today don't you?

Bane: Yeah... I figured it would be appropriate for the day.

Jake Starr: Anyway... If this doesn't bring roaring laughter out of you, you will officially cross into a genre of people I refer to as "emotionally dead!"

Bane: And that's a bad thing?

Jake Starr: Well I don't consider it a good thing!

Bane: Oh well... So why exactly did you do this?

Jake Starr: Because I figured it would make everyone realize what our opponents are really like!

Bane: Oh lord I can only imagine what this could be!

Jake Starr: Let's just say... It reveals a side of our opponents that everyone was just forced to assume until now.

Bane: Oh lord!

The VCR makes a clicking sound signifying that the tape has completely rewound. Jake looks over to his brother and grins...

Jake Starr: Ready to piss your pants?

Bane: If you succeed in making me piss my pants I'll pay you fifty bucks!

Jake Starr: Deal!

Jake switches the television to the Line-1 input, and presses play on the VCR. The camera that has been watching the two begins to zoom in on the television. A typical cinematic countdown from 5 to 1 is seen. As the camera continues to zoom in, once the counter reaches one, the camera ceases to be recording, and the screen is taken up by what's on Jake's television. As the television comes up from black, a bright set is shown in a studio. There is pink all over the set, including pink draperies behind the four chairs which line the stage. The camera pans over the applauding crowd, and what is seen is shocking. Many of the women look like men... And many of the men look like women. It is quickly realized that this is a homosexual talk show. The announcer comes over the speaker system in the studio and his audio is also heard on the tape. The announcer's voice is also very high pitched.

Philip McKnuts: Ladies and gentlemen... From Studio COK here in lovely Los Angeles, California, it is my pleasure to welcome you to...

The audience chimes in. The audience, though being of both sexes, sound like a mob of women.


Philip McKnuts: That's right! Welcome everyone to Dicks and Dykes! The only talk show that allows openly homosexual people to have a voice, without the threat of being chastised. And so without any further adieux, here is your host, Dickin Diaz!

The crowd applauds as the host, Dickin Diaz, comes out from stage right. He is wearing his daisy duke shorts that are frayed, and a halter top. Many of the men in the audience blow kisses at him. Some are even lucky enough to have Dickin run up to them and give them a personal kiss. Dickin is handed his microphone, which is in the shape of a penis, and begins to speak.

Dickin Diaz: Thank you Philip McNuts! Yes I am Dickin Diaz, and yes I love it too!

A very gay chuckle is heard from the audience.

Dickin Diaz: My guests today, are very special to me. Well one in particular... You see... Even though these men portray these extremely macho, testosterone-laden, works of art, in a wrestling ring... They actually are very gentle giants. Well that is until you get them naked. Then they're ferocious! But I won't get into that! One of these men is my personal boy toy and I love him, and his "bong" very much. So let me introduce my guests... From American Championship Wrestling, Krazzy Kidd, Mr. WS, Runexten, and my big hunk of man chowder, Rob Hardy!!!

Out from the same area in which Dickin entered, walks four actors who look almost identical to the ACW superstars. Many of the men stand up, acting like teenage girls at an *NSYNC concert, and blow kisses to the wrestlers. Dickin runs up to the stage and hugs "Rob Hardy". "Rob Hardy" is carrying various drug paraphernalia as well as a mock-ACW Stars and Stripes Title Belt. "Rob" is the first to speak...

"Rob Hardy": Oh my Dickin... I LOOOOVE what you've done with the place!

Dickin Diaz: Oh Rob... Hush!

"Rob Hardy": The pink is so you... Brings out the color in your cheeks!

Dickin Diaz: Oh baby you know I love it when you flatter me!

"Rob Hardy": And I love it when you... Well you know what I like you to do to me!

Dickin Diaz: Oh baby don't tell everyone!

"Rob Hardy": Don't be ashamed!

"Rob Hardy" looks towards the crowd.

"Rob Hardy": Ladies and gentlemen... This man has a d!ck the size of Mount Everest! I feel like I'm going to choke when he's hammering me from behind!

Dickin Diaz begins to blush. He then returns to the topic of today's show.

Dickin Diaz: Now... I want to talk to you all about this little fun fest that you seem to be having Monday in ACW. You know... Against those mean men!

"Rob Hardy": Oh honey don't worry... I'll make sure I'm still ready to suck down your clam chowder afterwards!

Dickin Diaz: Oh sweetie! What about the rest of you?

The other various actors playing the different roles, all sit with their legs crossed like women. "Mr. WS" is the first of them to speak up.

"Mr. WS": First off I'd like to send a special hello to my love slave, Spänken Mein Booty, he's German!

Dickin Diaz: And where is he doll?

"Mr. WS": He's in a German prison right now. He and I were playing gobble the wiener outside the German police station.

Dickin Diaz: And you escaped?

"Mr. WS": Yep! Luckily I was right about to blow my load and I blinded that meanie!

Dickin Diaz: Well we are so glad you're safe! How do you feel about the match?

"Mr. WS": Those little heteros think gay-bashing is a good thing.

Crowd: Boo!!!!

"Mr. WS": That's right! We deserve love too!

The actor playing Krazzy Kidd jumps in.

"Krazzy Kidd": I've made countless attempts to get Kold Killa to realize my true feelings for him! I've sent him flowers, male strippers, chocolate shaped cocks-in

Philip McKnuts:box, and no response. I just want to love him and his manhood!

Dickin Diaz begins to sob at the sweet story.

Dickin Diaz: That's so... So... So... So sweet! I don't think I've heard of a sweeter story!

"Runexten": Well I have one!

Dickin Diaz: Oh ok Mr. "Runexten"... Please tell!

"Runexten": Well you see... I'm honestly in love with a man whom I can never have...

Dickin Diaz: ~Gasp~ Why is that my love?

"Runexten": Because... He's... He's in love with another man!

Dickin Diaz: Oh please... Go on!

"Runexten": One day he and I shared this amazing night together. Sharing our spludge with one another... Making our rectums pulsate due to the extreme penetration... I tossed his salad... It was the works!

Dickin Diaz: I'm getting aroused just hearing about it!

"Runexten": Well then a couple days later I hear he's chasing another man... Who I might add he'll never get... And I just can't stand to watch him get hurt!

Dickin Diaz: Well Mr. "Runexten"... Who is that man?

"Runexten": It's you "Krazzy Kidd!"

"Krazzy Kidd": ME?! But... But I thought we agreed...

"Runexten": We did... Then I found out I loved you and your hairy scrotum! And you're not ever going to convince Kold Killa that he's right for you. So why not try me?!

"Krazzy Kidd": Well... You did satisfy me... You did have tasty cheese coming from your throbbing cock...

"Runexten": Then you'll give me a shot?

"Krazzy Kidd": Yes baby... As long as you make it just as good as that one time!

Dickin is sobbing big time, as are member of the audience!

Dickin Diaz: ~Sniffle~ I think this is a first here on Dicks and Dykes... We've made a love connection!

"Runexten": And I promise you "Krazzy Kidd"... That "connection" will be even stronger tonight!

"Krazzy Kidd": Who says I'm going to wait... You bring that tight @$$ of yours with me! We're hitting the showers early!

"Runexten": Oh baby!

"Krazzy Kidd" and "Runexten" run off of the stage to the back. "Mr. WS" gets so aroused he runs after them to watch and jerk on his sausage. Only "Rob Hardy" is left on stage. Dickin Diaz walks up to the stage and cozies up right next to his boy toy. They begin to converse.

Dickin Diaz: So my "mighty mounter"... Are we going to meet up tonight?

"Rob Hardy": Well hell... If they don't have to wait why should we?

Dickin Diaz: Yay! Well folks... I'm going off to get myself raped by my gorgeous hunk's giant kielbasa! See you next time on...


The scene slowly fades to black. The outline of the television that was used to watch this is again seen. The camera zooms out and both Bane and Jake Starr have hit the floor rolling with laughter. Tears are coming out of Jake's eyes from the constant laughter. Bane in clutching his stomach also because of the laughter. Once the two of calmed themselves back down, Bane inquires to what that was all about.

Bane: What in the hell was that?!

Jake Starr: Did you piss your pants?

Bane: Not quite... But for that kind of laugh here's the 50 bucks anyways!

Jake Starr: Keep it... I figured that you'd like to see the proof that these guys are a bunch of fudge packers.

Bane: Part of me wishes I hadn't... But damn that was funny!

Jake Starr: Oh when I saw this I almost lost my lunch I was laughing so hard.

Bane: That is INSANE!

Jake Starr: Anyway... I assume I had better continue my promo eh?

Bane: I'd probably say so!

Jake turns his attention back to the camera. He resumes his comments towards Rob Hardy, right from where he left off...

Jake Starr: I think I'll begin dissecting your first sham of a promo, that, my guess is, you thought was stellar. The validity of the promo as a whole... None! The point of the promo as a whole... Again NONE! You are a master at one think Robby... Stating the obvious. Seriously son... Listen to everything you say. Well listen to the parts that are actually spoken in English. You have this ability to just out-right say what everyone already knows. That takes "mad skills" there brother. Did you not hear yourself? Your first little set of comments is just about how great of a match this could be. Anyone who hears, views, reads, or just plain knows about the match knows the magnitude. Everyone knows that this match includes the best of what the ACW has to offer. So why must you deplete the oxygen supply of our planet by saying it OVER and OVER again?! It's POINTLESS! You did say that the belt in which you hold does mean a lot to you. But you love it for the wrong reasons. You said it yourself... Being the champion brings you more money! Which in turn means... You get to supply your disgusting, foul, pathetic, putrid, STUPID, habit with more drugs. Yes you heard me... It's a STUPID habit. Only STUPID people do drugs... And only STUPIDER people parade it around and are proud of it. Wow... That almost makes you the equivalent of "Dumb & Dumber," doesn't it? You seem to be under the misconception that I am unaware of what being a champion is like. You have NO IDEA about where I've been. I've been places where being the champion meant more than just money, gold, women, et cetera. It meant you were the BEST of the BEST. When people heard the term "World Champion" preceding your name, they knew you were the game. You were the epitome of the best. You are none of those things. The burden that you carry on your shoulders is NOTHING compared to what I've done in the past. It will never even REMOTELY come close to what I've accomplished. And trust me cum-bucket... That is the most truthful expression I've ever used.

Instead of taking a break to chat with Bane, Jake continues to rant and rave, this time towards Krazzy Kidd.

Jake Starr: Before I continue with Rob "The Walking Fudge Packer" Hardy, let me talk a little to Mr. Krazzy Kidd. Krazzy Kidd... A man who has much history with a man whom I will be teaming with, Kold Killa. You seem to have much animosity towards him. You forget one thing though Krazzy Kidd... You're not just fighting Kold Killa. You're fighting Kold Killa, Pillbrain, Bane, and myself. So all of this time and effort you've put in, focusing ONLY on Kold Killa, is going to be one of your ultimate downfalls. It will be one of the reasons your team will not end up on top. Well... Now if that talk show appearance you made is any inclination... You guys may end up on top of your own team. But that's to be done behind closed doors. You also seem to have a problem with the fact that, NOT ONLY, am I the best talker here in ACW... You have a problem with the fact that, unlike many people here, I walk the walk as well. You claim I'm real "kosher" with Kold Killa? First off... Only Jewish people are "kosher"... Why? Because it is their belief system. Not mine. Therefore your comment about me being "kosher" with him has now been proved null-in void. But let me just humor the comment for a little while. First off... I didn't ASK to be put in this match. I was forced there by the "suits" of this company. Kold Killa is just another body here, whom I don't even believe is in my league. So why should I "buddy-up" with him? Quite frankly... I'm not... And I won't! But for one night... If it involves kicking your pathetic @$$ along with your three other fa-sag-tots... I'll team with him.

Bane quickly throws a comment in...

Bane: Jake, don't forget about Mr. WS's "Ernest Goes to Camp" promo...

Jake Starr: I was just getting there...

Bane: Ok...

Jake begins to speak out towards the illusive Mr. WS.

Jake Starr: I'd also like to address Mr. Ernest P. Worrell... I mean Mr. WS. First off... What does WS stand for? Hardy already confirmed that it doesn't mean Weenie Sucker... So what does it mean? Umm... Let's ponder that thought... WS... Whore Sticker... Nah... Too positive... Wrestling Sucker... No, true... But still wrong... AHH! I HAVE FIGURED IT OUT! WS stands for WIDE SPHINCTER! Since you and Hardy are rectal rendezvous-ers it makes sense. You have the Wide Sphincter for him to plunge deep into and scarf out the yummy, corn-laden, Snicker's bars. First off... Thanks Rob for clarifying that! I am glad you wanted to make sure I was clear on the true meaning of your butt-buddies name. I am, however, a little depressed that the coitial comedian wasn't able to conjure up any material about me. Yes, I will agree Mr. Wide Sphincter, you are in dire need of practice. I currently see you as a gimmick less wonder. You speak to Vern... All you need is a thin face and you could change your name to Ernest. But since basically you are already Ernest P. Worrell, you are merely a GIMMICK THIEF. You are unoriginal, uncreative, and flat out retarded. You steal someone else's idea and make it your own. You hope that nobody else will notice, and then you'll look like a f_cking genius. Sorry son... I see right through gimmick thieves like you. I will say that I have never seen the Ernest P. Worrell gimmick in wrestling. So in that sense... You've brought it to a possibly new audience. That still doesn't make you original. I'm awaiting the day you look in a toilet and respond with "Ewwwww!" while simultaneously moving your jaw side to side. It would make sense... Hell you already talk to the camera. Why not just say "Ya Know What I Mean Vern?"? It honestly would be just as effective as pretending that you're your own gimmick. Just a thought... "Know what I mean Vern?"

The camera nods. As Bane sees the camera nod, he begins to laugh. Jake doesn't hesitate to move back to the subject of Rob Hardy.

Jake Starr: Since Runexten has not graced me with his presence... Odds are he is probably still back at that studio with Krazzy Kidd, munching on some digested Spam that Krazzy Kidd ate earlier. Anyway I will move back onto the final promo which was cut by Mr. Rob Hardy. You know the guy... ACW superstar... Weed smoker... Loves the man chowder?

The camera nods again.

Jake Starr: Ok enough with the damn "Ernest and Vern" thing... Anyway... He decided to do another promo a couple days later. One that focused more on me. He is starting to realize that his fan base is dwindling. He is becoming more and more of a HAS BEEN... Actually more like a NEVER WAS! He is starting to realize that the "Shady" cloud he has been puffing in front of the eyes of the fans is being blown away. The fans have been turned on... The poisonous air that Rob Hardy emits is being sucked out. The fans are seeing what he truly is. But Rob Hardy doesn't understand what that means. It means the fans are realizing who is better physically... And who truly is better for the sport. Rob you got a bit long-winded about how this nobody, Joey Darkwater, is a legend. And how the matches you two fought together will live on infamy. Well living in the past is one thing. My matches with Playa, Agent oo6, Jesse Williams, and many others, will live on in infamy as well. But instead of living in the past I focus on the present and the future. You claim I don't respect the sport? I'd love to hear how you think parading around the fact that you are engaging in ILLEGAL ACTIVITY, and putting the ACW at risk of being shut down, is respect! How do you come to that realization? How would you feel that if, because of your addiction to male child pornography and illegal drugs, the ACW was destroyed? That's real respect there Hardy. Yeah I see it! Bull sh!t! You don't respect anything. If you did you'd keep your private life PRIVATE! You wouldn't go on a talk show and admit to being a homosexual! You wouldn't follow your dog around like Cheech Marin, after he ate your stash, picking up his sh!t, and smoking it if you respected our business. Unlike you... Jake Starr, both inside and outside the ring, respects this industry. I give the PEOPLE what the PEOPLE want. Just like Degeneration X did during the infamous Monday Night Wars. They made the people want to see what was next. The only reason you criticize what I say is because you don't know how to respond. You don't know how to form a legitimate rebuttal. Well keep trying junior. One day you may succeed... But I'll always be there to bring you back to reality.

Bane: Hell yeah!

Jake Starr: You're actually getting excited?

Bane: No... Just providing the added enthusiasm.

Jake Starr: Oh ok... Anyways...

Jake refocuses on the camera one final time. He concludes his promo the same way he started off... Jake speaks out towards Rob Hardy one more time.

Jake Starr: Hardy you say I put you to sleep faster than English Literature? I guess it is because both of those sources seem to go above your head. The novel "Gone with the Wind" is a classic in our world. Having someone who can be a legitimate orator of that book is an honor. And since you said I should do it... I am honored for that. Why do I mess with Rob Hardy you ask? Because your an embarrassment. You're nothing more than a stoner who had ONE lucky break. You don't deserve to have this industry paying for you to work. This industry was built by people who had respect for this business. You are taking that and throwing it in the garbage. A prime example... Using your title belt, which you should covet, as a tool to roll your marijuana. How much more disrespectful can you be? What's next? Are you going to urinate on it? You can continue to make idle threats, like the whole blunt object one, for as long as you'd like. They will always be, however, just IDLE threats. It doesn't matter who's in your corner... Whether it be Krazzy Kidd, Runexten, or your partner in the "Ambiguously Gay Duo," Mr. WS... It won't matter. You WILL lose for a second consecutive time. I won't let the fans down... Because you already have!

As Jake finishes his promo and the two walk off into another room. The camera fades to black with people wondering if anyone will respond to the promo that was just cut. And if so... Will it be able to match the humor and relavence of this one. Which team will be victorious this Monday at Mayhem. Will Rob Hardy be able to reclaim his glory? Or will Jake Starr drive another stake into the coffin of Rob Hardy's fan base? All these questions, and more, will be answered this Monday as ACW presents, Mayhem!

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